Speed ★★★★½

I haven't watched Speed for over 10 years (I sure as hell made up for it before then) but whenever I do watch it there's a very fun game I like to play.

If I spot anything in Speed that isn't very good, and obviously that doesn't amount to very much, then I play the You Can Blame That On Joss Whedon Game. So, the over-extended finale here? Whedon's fault. The semi-regular snippets of pretty crap dialogue. All on Whedon.

Depending on my mood in life in general, I have even been known, on occasions, to extend that game outside of the confines of the running time of Speed into other films and, as it happens, outside of films too.

So, for instance, that really bad special effect in Total Recall when Arnie takes off that old woman mask before lobbing it at the cops? For fuck's sake, Whedon, that looks like shit. That seduction scene between Dom and Gisele in Fast & Furious. Ugh, Whedon, what were you thinking?

But also when I went in Morrisons today and they didn't have any large tiger loaves. Bollocks, I bet Whedon bought the last one. The fact that the 203 got diverted and I had to walk the last 5 stops home? Thanks a lot, Whedon. Twat.

Even he couldn't come close to ruining Speed though. Cunt.

🇵🇱 Steve G liked these reviews