Rushmore ★★★★½

Dear Max,

I am sorry to say that I have secretly found out that Mr. Blume is having an affair with Miss Cross. My first suspicions came when I saw them frenching in front of her house, and then I knew for sure when they went skinny-dipping in Mr. Blume's swimming pool, giving each other hand jobs while you were taking a nap on the front porch. Why am I telling you this now? Because you're such a good friend. Take care, pal.

Dirk Calloway.