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  • Trolls

    Trolls

    The ending has the two villains sent off burning alive. Only if you stay for the credits do you get to see that after they turn crispy, they are eaten alive. According to Netflix, the movie is for kids from ages 5 to 7.

    Kudos, though, for coming up with a plot that makes it easy to quote Troll 2:

    "They're eating her. And then they're gonna eat me. Oh, my god!!!!!"

  • Tom and Jerry: The Movie

    Tom and Jerry: The Movie

    I'm glad I live in an era when even Barbie Starlight Adventure is entertaining. That's the one where Barbie plays Luke Skywalker--not kidding.

    This movie is an exercise in cruelty to animals, padding with music, and generally forgetting your title characters' traits, comedy, and existence, in favor of cheap drama.

    I can see why this is not a well-liked film.

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  • The Arrival of a Train at La Ciotat

    The Arrival of a Train at La Ciotat

    ★★★★★

    I actually dove to the ground to get the full 1895 theater experience of watching this film.

  • Interior. Leather Bar.

    Interior. Leather Bar.

    ½

    Regardless of whether you end up watching this or not, there is one very important thing you need to know. The plot summaries that say there are 40 minutes of Cruising fan fiction are flat out lies. There are approximately 11 minutes here. That's it!

    The rest is behind the scenes yakking as if James Franco just discovered the sky is blue. You are getting, and I even hate to mention it in the same breath as this movie, but…