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  • Beauty and the Beast

    Beauty and the Beast

    ★★★

    58

    I can't really hate this. The sets are so, so pretty, with creamy costuming peppering vivid colors across large, overpowering spaces and theatrical stages where the drama and romance play out. All of the actors are just the right amount of committed, pushing the musical numbers (which are still lovely) to their limits and nudging themselves admirably into their already iconic roles. Even Dan Stevens, stuck with a mess of a CGI job instead of the (to me, at…

  • The Lego Batman Movie

    The Lego Batman Movie

    ★★★½

    65

    Unnecessarily busy towards the end, but mostly delightful and self-referential to the point where Batman's history becomes hallowed, an exploration of how a character can be run into the ground and still have a hopeful future. Better than Deadpool, obviously.

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  • Warcraft

    Warcraft

    15/100

    Me: Hi, I'd like one ticket for Warcraft please.

    Ticket guy: Did you bring your strategy guide?

    Me: Wait, what?

    Ticket guy: Have you played The Burning Crusade and Wrath of The lich King?

    Me: Waitwaitwait...slow down.

    Ticket guy: What about Cataclysm, Mists of Pandaria, and Warlords of Draenor?

    Me: I don't even know what a Draenor is.

    Ticket guy: Are you excited for Legion?

    Me: Is that based on the demon movie with Dennis Quaid?

    *Ticket guy sighs, rips ticket, and points the way towards the auditorium*

    Ticket guy: Good luck.

  • Suicide Squad

    Suicide Squad

    ½

    7/100

    If Zack Snyder's Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice was a war for the soul of the comic book movie, a stirring, strange battle for idiosyncrasy in a committee chain, then Suicide Squad clearly showcases the winner, and it isn't the artists (or the audience for that matter). Strung together by the sparest, limp dick editing and full to the brink with cardboard cutout characters, obvious musical cues, idiotic holes in basic story construction, and a fucking joke of…