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  • A Cure for Wellness

    A Cure for Wellness

    ★★★★

    73

    Discussing A Cure for Wellness without first mentioning its endless barrage of influences - from Rupert Julian and James Whale to Kubrick and Burton and Del Toro - is practically impossible, especially because the twisted, bonkers-like-bonzo, "what the actual fuck wait no don't show me that" conclusions which Verbinski arrives at (no steam ahead, to be fair) feel earthed in the classical repetitions of Horror and Mystery. Its satirical remnants give this 2.5 hour creepy-crawly epic the kick it…

  • John Wick

    John Wick

    ★★★★½

    82

    Death wears a suit and tie.

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  • Warcraft

    Warcraft

    15/100

    Me: Hi, I'd like one ticket for Warcraft please.

    Ticket guy: Did you bring your strategy guide?

    Me: Wait, what?

    Ticket guy: Have you played The Burning Crusade and Wrath of The lich King?

    Me: Waitwaitwait...slow down.

    Ticket guy: What about Cataclysm, Mists of Pandaria, and Warlords of Draenor?

    Me: I don't even know what a Draenor is.

    Ticket guy: Are you excited for Legion?

    Me: Is that based on the demon movie with Dennis Quaid?

    *Ticket guy sighs, rips ticket, and points the way towards the auditorium*

    Ticket guy: Good luck.

  • Suicide Squad

    Suicide Squad

    ½

    7/100

    If Zack Snyder's Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice was a war for the soul of the comic book movie, a stirring, strange battle for idiosyncrasy in a committee chain, then Suicide Squad clearly showcases the winner, and it isn't the artists (or the audience for that matter). Strung together by the sparest, limp dick editing and full to the brink with cardboard cutout characters, obvious musical cues, idiotic holes in basic story construction, and a fucking joke of…