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  • Halloween II

    Halloween II

    ★★★★½

    85

    There's a whole candy-basket's worth of problems with this thing - that goshdarned mask looking like it came out of a airtight vacuum storage bag, the unnecessary revelation seemingly stolen from a dreary soap-opera, the switch from 'committed and nervous' Dr. Loomis to 'batshit lunatic' Dr. Loomis, Jamie Lee's bad hair day, and some of Rosenthal's rip-off Carpenter styling etc. It's a slasher sequel, obviously, but in spite of all that, it has its own monumental feel - a…

  • Johnny Guitar

    Johnny Guitar

    ★★★★½

    90
    Tell the truth they want to hear.

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  • Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    ★★★★½

    87

    Setting: Marvel Board Meeting

    Kevin: "And then I said, we already put in 3 end-credits scenes, how about 2 more?!?"

    *eruptive laughter*

    Marvel Exec #2: "You're such a card, Kevin."

    Kevin: "These movies don't make themselves!"

    Marvel Exec #3: "Well I mean they kinda do. That's why we installed that conveyer belt in northern Idaho and everything."

    Kevin: "You got me there!"

    *Meeting Room door opens*

    Kevin: "Well look who it is, our crazy director intern, come in James."…

  • Warcraft

    Warcraft

    15/100

    Me: Hi, I'd like one ticket for Warcraft please.

    Ticket guy: Did you bring your strategy guide?

    Me: Wait, what?

    Ticket guy: Have you played The Burning Crusade and Wrath of The lich King?

    Me: Waitwaitwait...slow down.

    Ticket guy: What about Cataclysm, Mists of Pandaria, and Warlords of Draenor?

    Me: I don't even know what a Draenor is.

    Ticket guy: Are you excited for Legion?

    Me: Is that based on the demon movie with Dennis Quaid?

    *Ticket guy sighs, rips ticket, and points the way towards the auditorium*

    Ticket guy: Good luck.