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  • Anastasia

    Anastasia

    ★★★½

    65

    Oddly lovely in spite of its failed Disney Renaissance ambition. Weird as hell and comfortable in setting, warm and haunted by the past, and also just a whole lot of fun.

  • Speed Racer

    Speed Racer

    ★★★★★

    100

    Ate Twizzlers and Air Head Xtremes Bites while watching. Saw a lot of indistinct shapes and sounds clustered around the vibrant colorscape of a cameraless paint-bucket bedazzlement. I think John Goodman called a Ninja a 'nonja' but I'm not sure. Truly an achievement in rendering the presence of the lens mute to the point where frames woosh by like cotton candy. The Grand-Prix is Heavenly Art; a stain-glass creativity monument, complete with a Cooties Warning to boot.

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  • Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    ★★★★½

    87

    Setting: Marvel Board Meeting

    Kevin: "And then I said, we already put in 3 end-credits scenes, how about 2 more?!?"

    *eruptive laughter*

    Marvel Exec #2: "You're such a card, Kevin."

    Kevin: "These movies don't make themselves!"

    Marvel Exec #3: "Well I mean they kinda do. That's why we installed that conveyer belt in northern Idaho and everything."

    Kevin: "You got me there!"

    *Meeting Room door opens*

    Kevin: "Well look who it is, our crazy director intern, come in James."…

  • Warcraft

    Warcraft

    15/100

    Me: Hi, I'd like one ticket for Warcraft please.

    Ticket guy: Did you bring your strategy guide?

    Me: Wait, what?

    Ticket guy: Have you played The Burning Crusade and Wrath of The lich King?

    Me: Waitwaitwait...slow down.

    Ticket guy: What about Cataclysm, Mists of Pandaria, and Warlords of Draenor?

    Me: I don't even know what a Draenor is.

    Ticket guy: Are you excited for Legion?

    Me: Is that based on the demon movie with Dennis Quaid?

    *Ticket guy sighs, rips ticket, and points the way towards the auditorium*

    Ticket guy: Good luck.