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SilentDawn has written 22 reviews for films rated ½ .

  • Lady and the Tramp

    Lady and the Tramp

    ½

    10

    This was adorable and sweet for about five minutes. And then the dog spoke. A genre switch into pure Horror, pure nightmare fuel.

  • Hellboy

    Hellboy

    ½

    9

    This movie thinks it's all metal and Edgy but it honestly plays like a television program off of The CW that's going through puberty. Whatever curiosity you have of watching this, squash it.

  • Halloween: Resurrection

    Halloween: Resurrection

    ½

    5

    Never have any of the Mount Rushmore Slasher franchises stooped so low. Bottom-of-the-barrel trash. Front to back, a disgrace to a series that so adequately "ended" with Halloween: H20. Rick Rosenthal's exceptional work on Halloween 2 must've been a real fluke, because he doesn't have any idea what he's doing here. Nonsensical form and content - a movie that yearns for Michael Myers to burst through your own door so he can take you out of your misery. From…

  • Cheaper by the Dozen

    Cheaper by the Dozen

    ½

    3

    Procreation propaganda, and insidious to the core. Built around bullshit family values and threadbare, indecipherable storytelling. Nothing about this movie makes any sort of sense. Why does the 'birthday party gone amok' set-piece impact the dad's coaching career? How does the press know about it? "How will this affect the football game on Saturday?" I'm so confused by this quote, and this movie. Problems are set-up for no reason, and then solved to the tune of sentimental music because…

  • Biker Zombies

    Biker Zombies

    ½

    2

    To give some context, my group of friends looked up both the production and distribution company websites of this motion picture, and both were unavailable.

  • Bohemian Rhapsody

    Bohemian Rhapsody

    ½

    1

    "How many times do we need to teach you this lesson, old man?"

    Abominable. Chickenshit exploitation of queerness and public persona, in addition to being formally inept. Every single element of this movie is subpar, lacking in nuance and a solid foundation of existence. All of the reaction shots are gold - everyone is lost: in geography, character motivation, respect of authenticity or even some semblance of cinematic coherence. Nothing is even remotely aware of its functionality. The film…

  • Dinotopia

    Dinotopia

    ½

    5

    A young man and a grad-student dinosaur play Ping Pong together, using ancient Dinotopia scrolls as the net.

  • The Predator

    The Predator

    ½

    5

    Shane Black: "Hey, Fred!"

    Fred Dekker: *finishes a line of coke*

    F: "What's up, Shane?"

    S: "I got a great idea for a movie."

    F: "What's that?"

    S: "How about a Predator reboot, only the entire tone is based off of the initial helicopter ride from the first film, all while ignoring every other aspect that made the original so great?"

    F: *does another line of coke*

    F: "Sold."

    S: "And what if we use autism as a crutch…

  • Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

    Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

    ½

    2

    A fedora-movie: birthed out of comic-con panels and friend-zones. Two points for the character named 'moist'. Demeaning and sad.

  • Ghost in the Shell

    Ghost in the Shell

    ½

    5

    Leaving the theater last night, having just sat through the excruciating experience of Ghost in the Shelll, I was furious. I wasn't merely furious at the misconstrued world-building, all imitation and no flair, all dazzling 1990s sci-fi dress-up and no semblance of imagination. I wasn't simply furious at the tattered remnants of a screenplay and its constant tendency of oversimplification in regards to its existentialism and its gender ambiguity. I wasn’t *only* furious at the incoherent action, cut together…

  • Zoolander 2

    Zoolander 2

    ½

    5

    You know when you get to a four-way intersection and you stop and wait for another car to make their turn only to realize that they're waiting for you and then as soon as you attempt to go they decide to slowly move out into the intersection which forces you to stop and begin the entire cycle over again? This movie is that situation in cinematic form.

  • Suicide Squad

    Suicide Squad

    ½

    7/100

    If Zack Snyder's Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice was a war for the soul of the comic book movie, a stirring, strange battle for idiosyncrasy in a committee chain, then Suicide Squad clearly showcases the winner, and it isn't the artists (or the audience for that matter). Strung together by the sparest, limp dick editing and full to the brink with cardboard cutout characters, obvious musical cues, idiotic holes in basic story construction, and a fucking joke of…