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SilentDawn has written 28 reviews for films rated ★½ .

  • It Chapter Two

    It Chapter Two

    ★½

    30

    It Chapter Two is a failure and a nonstarter, but that's what happens when all the creativity (see: early drafts by Cary Fukunaga and cinematography by Chung-Hoon Chung) and ambition for capturing the essence of the source material is drained by the end of the first installment. I'm still a big fan of 2017's It, and I think much of it stems from the fact that it didn't deal with the door-stop baggage of Stephen King's novel directly, instead…

  • Annabelle Comes Home

    Annabelle Comes Home

    ★½

    25

    A bad slumber-party movie. Devoid of any scares and lacking even the styling of the weakest entries in this universe. Mostly just busy and loud without accomplishing anything.

  • Mausoleum

    Mausoleum

    ★½

    29

    A major slog that sadly never lives up to its poster-art.

  • Pet Sematary

    Pet Sematary

    ★½

    29

    Ghastly in how it translates Stephen King's all-consuming grief and Mary Lambert's visceral shock into a tone-deaf hodgepodge of loud noises and miserable self-seriousness. Bad all around, but with a decent head on its shoulders. There's just nothing in the noggin.

  • Late Night

    Late Night

    ★½

    23

    An out-of-touch movie about being out-of-touch. Excruciating.

  • The Meg

    The Meg

    ★½

    22

    I love the shark. She's beautiful. I will name her Meghan with an 'h' and find her a water planet where she can swim eternally and happily and no one can hurt her. She will have periodic food-breaks where I teleport people I vehemently despise into the depths of the water with nothing but a life preserver and a copy of Jaws in their hands as a sacrificial totem. Meghan will be pleased as she gobbles.

    Keep the movie.

  • Darling

    Darling

    ★½

    24

    I love it when random dudes watch classic horror films and think, "oh, you know what? *I* can do better.

  • Avengers: Endgame

    Avengers: Endgame

    ★½

    30

    I was going to start the conversation of Avengers: Endgame with some lame shit like "this is the bubble bursting" or "the longest filmic groan in existence" but that doesn't really cut it, nor does it even matter. In just its first day, The Mouse has earned over 169 million dollars overseas in sweet superhero coin, and the film is expected to gross more than 260 million domestic in three days stateside. None of this is a parameter of…

  • Rampage

    Rampage

    ★½

    25

    Weirdos on the internet call him 'Ralph'.

  • The Mule

    The Mule

    ★½

    25

    Don't really know where to begin with The Mule other than to say that it does exactly what it's supposed to do. I'm just not buying it. The elderly white crowd, who chuckled and nodded in agreement at 88-year-old Clint Eastwood's asides on *the internet* and usage of terms such as "negro" and "dyke", got what they wanted out of it, even if Eastwood is always interested in complicating matters by posing half-assed self-reflexity. For instance, I've never seen…

  • The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

    The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

    ★½

    25

    Directed by David Spade*.

    *Slate**.

    **Slade***.

    ***Space.

    (I really don't want to talk about this.)

  • No Reservations

    No Reservations

    ★½

    30

    The kind of movie that thinks it's above delicious 'food porn' shots of the featured cooking. Fuck that.