Me: Do you like Mary Harron’s adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis’ American Psycho?

Snooty Film Analyst: It’s OK.

Me: The later scenes are a little too abstract for my tastes, but when Bateman’s monologuing carries on throughout all 102 minutes, I think it really comes into its own, commercially and artistically. The whole film has a clear, crisp look, and an old sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives Andrzej Sekula’s cinematography a big boost. Mary Harron's been compared to David Fincher in the final scenes, but I think Mary has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humour.

Snooty Film Analyst: Hey, Simon.

Me: Yes, Analyst?

Snooty Film Analyst: Why are their notes scattered around the place concerning theories of the movie all over the place, d-do you have a stupid complex? A little brain fart or something?

Me: No, Analyst.

Snooty Film Analyst: Is that a four and a half star rating?

Me: Yes, it is! In 2000, Harron released this, American Psycho, her only acknowledged film. I think her undisputed masterstroke is Christian Bale, an actor so enthralling, most people probably don't look at the little nuances of his performance. But they should, because it's not just about Hollywood’s attitude to wanton horror violence, and the importance of black humour, it's also a personal statement about the sheer madness of the actor himself. Hey Analyst!

*cleaves head in half*

Me: TRY UNDERSTANDING THIS FILM NOW, YOU FUCKEN STUPID BAAAAASTAAAAARDDDD!!! YOU FUCKEN BAAAAASTAAARRRDDD!!!