Too boring to hate, too actively shitty to be entirely indifferent to. There’s comically little ‘slashing’ in this slasher movie, and it’s maudlin, insincere attempts at being empowering or heartwarming only make the experience feel more infuriatingly long. It wastes its concept and meanders around doing nothing other than tossing around malformed characters and dialogue that feel excruciatingly like a white hetero man wrote them- which wouldn’t be an issue if the movie managed to appear as though it had…
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Prey 2022
By a fair margin, the best Predator movie. Bangin’ action that’s suitably stripped back but doesn’t use that as an excuse to not be creative or just plain cool. As someone who felt as though even the best of these movies had too much fat on them, Trachtenberg and co. have catered to exactly what I like about them (ie, the good parts of Predators and the third act of the original) and just made a movie entirely composed of…
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Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark 2019
I did not care for this remake of ‘Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed’ at all.
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Dominion: Prequel to The Exorcist 2005
Paul Schrader: Racism is bad. So are Nazis.
Me: Yes. Very good Paul.
Paul Schrader: Imperialism, colonialism, and fascism are also all bad.
Me: Indeed they are but Paul-
Paul Schrader: I should have a white man blatantly explain all of this in my film
Me: Paul that’s probably not-
Paul Schrader: Let’s give the colonialists and fascists similar costumes. And the non English speaking black characters aren’t gonna have big speaking roles.
Me: Don’t you think that might be…
