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  • The Aeronauts

    The Aeronauts

    ★★★

    She threw the damn dog off the side of the balloon and prayed the parachute would open. The dog doesn’t know how a parachute works and would be freaking the hell out of throw out of a hot air balloon. 

    Other than that, a nice watch. 

  • Sonic the Hedgehog

    Sonic the Hedgehog

    ★½

    “Pretzel Lady!”

    Congrats to Zillow and Olive Garden for fantastic product placement.

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  • The Matrix Reloaded

    The Matrix Reloaded

    ★★½

    Hollywood! Making out! Explosions! Action! 3-D!

    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

  • Good Time

    Good Time

    ★★★★

    The future of chaotic thrillers is here. This was the inception.

    The Safdie brothers are masters of chaos and telling stories about main characters that will always do what’s in their best self interest than anyone else, event thought some people along the way mean good. 

    I love it.

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  • Eighth Grade

    Eighth Grade

    ★★★★★

    Eighth Grade Checklist:

    Stacking Crayola markers to make a tower ✔️
    Playing the national anthem in band ✔️
    Braces everywhere ✔️
    The hair down there” ✔️
    Dreamboat douchebag everyone crushes on ✔️
    Bitchy broads who suck ✔️
    Pool birthday parties ✔️

    Be sure to look out for Gabe, who is a mirror image of myself at that age. He can:

    Hold his breathe under water ✔️
    Gets all the dipping sauces ✔️
    Nervous to say anything ✔️

    You’re gonna fall…

  • Sorry to Bother You

    Sorry to Bother You

    ★★★★

    Armie Hammer rips a FAT LINE OF COKE. Danny Glover’s first line was “HEY YOUNGBLOOD”. Cash Green’s rap is WHACK!

    SORRY TO BOTHER YOU , but go see this movie! AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME STORY TELLING, MESSAGE, AND STRAIGHT JOKES!