RSS feed for Jordan
  • The Aeronauts

    The Aeronauts

    ★★★

    She threw the damn dog off the side of the balloon and prayed the parachute would open. The dog doesn’t know how a parachute works and would be freaking the hell out of throw out of a hot air balloon. 

    Other than that, a nice watch. 

  • Sonic the Hedgehog

    Sonic the Hedgehog

    ★½

    “Pretzel Lady!”

    Congrats to Zillow and Olive Garden for fantastic product placement.

  • The Matrix Reloaded

    The Matrix Reloaded

    ★★½

    Hollywood! Making out! Explosions! Action! 3-D!

    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

  • Good Time

    Good Time

    ★★★★

    The future of chaotic thrillers is here. This was the inception.

    The Safdie brothers are masters of chaos and telling stories about main characters that will always do what’s in their best self interest than anyone else, event thought some people along the way mean good. 

    I love it.

  • Nicky Deuce

    Nicky Deuce

    ★★★

    Gibby landing a fat kiss on PAULY Walnuts earned an extra star. Watch this is you love the sopranos!

  • Marathon Man

    Marathon Man

    ★★★½

    Is it safe?

  • Booksmart

    Booksmart

    ★★★½

    Look, it’s the same structure as Superbad (not the issue I had with the film). While the characters, storytelling, and emotions are there, I thought it could’ve been funnier. 

    There, I said it. Bitch and complain below about why I’m wrong.

  • Marriage Story

    Marriage Story

    ★★★★

    Great dialogue.

  • Gus

    Gus

    ★★½

    Oh my god. The horse plays football. Someone get me a churro.

  • Little Women

    Little Women

    ★★★★★

    Flawless.

  • Uncut Gems

    Uncut Gems

    ★★★★

    I’ll take Sandler tip off, Sandler money line, Sandler first half, Sandler second half. I want to put that in a parlay with a salami sandwich with extra mustard and a furby necklace.

  • Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    ★★★

    Lots of explosions, repetition, and light sabers. At the end of the movie, two lesbians make out. 

    It was ok. Merry Christmas.