Warlords of Atlantis ★★★½

Hi, I’m Doug McClure. You might remember me from such pulpy, cheesy films as Warlords of Atlantis, featuring a Jules Verne-ish meets trippy-sci-fi plot and lots of weird helmeted “fish men” and various rubber stop- motion creatures attacking the wooden cast as my shirt gets more and more ripped.

Hi, I’m John Ratzenberger. You might remember me as Cliff Claven from the awesome TV series Cheers, or from countless Pixar cameos, but I also feature in Warlords of Atlantis in a supporting role as a greedy, villainous crewmember who unbelievably survives until the end where he is re-purposed as a lifeboat motor.

Hi, I’m Shane Rimmer. You might remember me as the voice of the pilot of Thunderbird 1, the captain of the US sub in The Spy Who Loved Me, or from minor but vital supporting roles as technicians or board controllers in Superman 2, Star Wars, Batman Begins, and THREE other James Bond movies, but I also feature in Warlords of Atlantis as the captain of a ship attacked by a gigantic rubber octopus.

Hi, I’m Cyd Charisse. You might remember me as the dancer with the looong legendary legs in such classic musicals as Singin’ in the Rain or The Band Wagon, but I also feature in Warlords of Atlantis as an Atlantean (?Martian?) queen who talks sci-fi gibberish surrounded by Dr Who sets and effects but I still manage to flash my famous legs at every opportunity, don’t you worry.

Hi, I’m Warlords of Atlantis. You might remember me from that most pulpish genre of Edgar Rice Burroughs story rip-off films from the mid ‘70s with poster art far more thrilling than the actual films like At the Earth’s Core or The Land That Time Forgot which featured tacky rubber monsters and geeky scientists and square-jawed heroes and primitive girls in skimpy costumes, but I’m probably one of the weaker entries in that minor sub-genre, with a solid first act but a disappointing and waffly realisation of Atlantis in a mid-section flabbier that McClure’s late-70s torso, but still, overall, I am a lot of campy fun, especially for people like your dad (or your grandad!) who were so starved of fantasy adventures back them they lapped this stuff up, and thus feel nostalgic for it today…