smellington

smellington

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Pinned reviews theme: rando reviews of rando eurotrash #horror

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  • The Truth According to Satan

    The Truth According to Satan

    ★★½

    First, Rita Calderoni is a lovely actress, & I think she gives pretty good performance here. The first half of the The Truth According to Satan is kinda tiresome as its pretty much a two person play with some cinematic garnish throw in. But then some dancing naked hippies show up, and just like most things, The Truth According to Satan livens up a bit. You can always count on dancing naked hippies.

  • Lover of the Monster

    Lover of the Monster

    ★★½

    An insanely jealous Klaus Kiniski experiments on his dead dog which in turn turns him into a sex maniac of course (which is how
    Frankenweenie should've turned out, totally man), and this all probably has to do with his aesthetically pleasing looking (hot) wife which should be a lesson to all of us? As boring euro shockers go, well, this has a lot of martial strife drama, jurisdiction maleficium, anything that might be vaguely interesting takes place mostly off screen…

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  • Sick Bastard

    Sick Bastard

    ★★★

    Me reading the Sick Bastard's description: 'madman escapes an asylum, fights his own demons blah blah...things get brutal... hmmm that sounds intaresting and it's only an hour.
    Starts movie and sees Directed by Jason Impey.
    <Beavis voice> God Damn it.
    Jason Impey's take on Rob Zombie's Halloween by the way of Violent Shit, now I'm not Impey scholar or anything, but I've seen enuff (really just some shorts that appeared in the Grindsploitation flicks, and trailers) to know that I'm…

  • Revolt of the Empire of the Apes

    Revolt of the Empire of the Apes

    ★★★

    Tina Krause in a Polonia Bros production with light bondage and nudity!?!!! To paraphrase the classic Rock band (heh) Powerman 5000, now I know what its like when worlds collide (what its like). I do wish she had a more substantial role. It's a good match. On the topic of actors needing more to do, Danielle Donahue is also in this, but mostly clips from the previous Empire of the Apes.
    Something is usually happening, and if you've seen Empire…

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  • Guinea Pig: Devil's Experiment

    Guinea Pig: Devil's Experiment

    ★★★

    I always wonder if its worth telling the story where Charlie Sheen saw this at a cocaine party at Chris Gore's house, and thought it was snuff, so he called the FBI to investigate, which in turn started a feud between Chris Gore and Chas Balun. Now if the names Chris Gore, and Chas Balun are familiar to you then you've probably know the story, if not, who gives a fuck. But that would be ignoring history, man. Chas Balun…

  • Mutilations

    Mutilations

    ★★★★

    I turned 42 today, so I took the day off from work and as the kids (at least the kids in my middle aged view point) would say #daydrinking. I know you're saying "goddamn it Smellington, we know you're middle age, stop bringing it up and the whole drunk review is sooooo 1990s", but on the other hand *************************, so fuck you. If you're confused, well so am I. Anyhoo, I've been anticipating seeing Mutilations for at least the past…