Favorite films

  • Rat Scratch Fever
  • Creaturealm: From the Dead
  • Evil Ever After
  • Curse of Pirate Death

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All
  • Brides of Satan

    ★½

  • Siege

    ★★★★

  • Studio 666

    ★★★½

  • November

    ★★★★½

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  • Evil Ever After

    Evil Ever After

    ★★★★

    I'm going to tell my kids that this is Cruella or...a totally awful movie for awful people, so of course I loved it...and its a Christmas movie, one of the cops wore a Santa hat while they were raping the ever nubile Randal Malone, but I guess I'm getting a head (not literally) of myself. Anyhoo, Joe Bob Briggs is in this too, he gets to make out with wife Brinke Stevens (briefly), and (teen but more likely 20something) daughter…

  • Night of the Dead

    Night of the Dead

    ★★½

    It's 2012 and you have Ron Jeremy on your movie poster, good luck with that, but I'm somewhat addicted to director Dennis Devine's output (especially 2000s) with his reuse of locations, inexperienced photogenic actors playing community college students, and Randall Malone (I mean why would you put Ron Jeremy when you have Randal Malone right there). This is the belated (5 years) sequel to Don't Go
    into the Cellar that no one asked for. Leah (Shevaun Kastl) played the older…

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  • Brides of Satan

    Brides of Satan

    ★½

    Mindy Robinson, easy on the eyes, not a good actor, and with all those tattoos, probably not going to heaven. That's a shame. And this movie sucks donkey dick.

  • Studio 666

    Studio 666

    ★★★½

    Studio 666 works best when its a workplace horror/comedy full of dad rock/dad jokes where clearly the boss <ahem Dave Grohl> is the monster, but when your boss is a rockstar....ahh you know, Studio 666 drifts away into typical spfx burdened nonsense. In a different life, Pat Smear would be an excellent lead in Fred Olen Ray and/or Charles Band movies, and of course Taylor Hawkins's band relations (there are a couple of mean jokes in retrospect) and cinematic death…

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  • Guinea Pig: Devil's Experiment

    Guinea Pig: Devil's Experiment

    ★★★

    I always wonder if its worth telling the story where Charlie Sheen saw this at a cocaine party at Chris Gore's house, and thought it was snuff, so he called the FBI to investigate, which in turn started a feud between Chris Gore and Chas Balun. Now if the names Chris Gore, and Chas Balun are familiar to you then you've probably know the story, if not, who gives a fuck. But that would be ignoring history, man. Chas Balun…

  • Mutilations

    Mutilations

    ★★★★

    I turned 42 today, so I took the day off from work and as the kids (at least the kids in my middle aged view point) would say #daydrinking. I know you're saying "goddamn it Smellington, we know you're middle age, stop bringing it up and the whole drunk review is sooooo 1990s", but on the other hand *************************, so fuck you. If you're confused, well so am I. Anyhoo, I've been anticipating seeing Mutilations for at least the past…