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  • Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort

    Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort

    ★★½

    Rented this from Netflix, I instantly growled when I saw the MPAA R rating certification screen as the dvd began. The Netflix slip listed the movie as UR and running 91 minutes. The dvd runtime was 88 minutes. I then contemplated whether I should watch it or return it, as an R rated Wrong Turn sequel seems essentially pointless. Apparently, a previous unrated Wrong Turn 6 has been pulled due to an unauthorized use of a photo of a real…

  • The Red Monks

    The Red Monks

    ★★

    The Red Monks begins with some dude getting decapitated by a nude gal in the first 5 minutes then a whole lotta nothing happens. If you take a feminist reading of the film, you may find it interesting, but probably not because it could really use more gore and sleaze cause we're talking about a late 80s italian horror film not...(you know the rest).

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  • Frogtown II

    Frogtown II

    ★★★

    While Robert D'Zar leading a mission to save Lou Ferrigno might not be intrinsically as compelling as Rowdy Roddy Piper being the last virile man or whatever the Hell Comes to Frogtown was about. Frogtown 2 makes up for it with its totally meandering plot? But anyway Sam Hell returns in the form of Robert Z'Dar during the peak of his sex symbol years (he even has a (PG13) sex scene). Actually FrogTown II's cast is stacked and I not…

  • Return of the Slasher Nurse

    Return of the Slasher Nurse

    ★★★

    more like Return of the Torture Porn Nurse til the end which works as well as your almost but not quite favorite, more like mildly tolerated slasher flick from the early uhh.... 00s(?). Actually Return of the Slasher Nurse along with the first Slasher Nurse flick are a nice throwbacks to Fat guy in a Slayer t-shirt horror subgenre of the early 2000s where every dude was a fat guy in a Slayer (or equivalent) or novelty t-shirt and every…

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  • Mutilations

    Mutilations

    ★★★★

    I turned 42 today, so I took the day off from work and as the kids (at least the kids in my middle aged view point) would say #daydrinking. I know you're saying "goddamn it Smellington, we know you're middle age, stop bringing it up and the whole drunk review is sooooo 1990s", but on the other hand *************************, so fuck you. If you're confused, well so am I. Anyhoo, I've been anticipating seeing Mutilations for at least the past…

  • Mr. Ice Cream Man

    Mr. Ice Cream Man

    ★★★★

    In one of the many multiple alternate realities (like Earth 817 for you comic nerds), I don't it think it would be that much of stretch to think the 1995 Clint Howard vehicle Ice Cream Man could be a big hit. And say instead of remaking Halloween, Rob Zombie (White Zombie videos were getting heavy rotation on Beavis and Butthead at the time) is hired to remake Ice Cream Man in 1996 with a much much more modest budget. But…