• Mission Mind Control

    Mission Mind Control

    The psychiatrist who defends psychic driving + depatterning with "I wouldn't call it harsh, I would say it was harder on the staff than it was on the patients" missed his call as a comedian!

    Keeping the original TV ads in the Youtube upload must be some kind of intentional commentary.

  • August in the Water

    August in the Water

    Oh, how is it that I could come out to here
    And be still floating?
    And never hit bottom and keep falling through
    Just relaxed and paying attention

    All my two-dimensional boundaries were gone
    I had lost to them badly
    I saw that world crumble and thought I was dead
    But I found my senses still working

    And as I continued to drop through the hole
    I found all surrounding
    To show me that joy innocently is
    Just be quiet…

  • Dr. Jekyll & Mistress Hyde

    Dr. Jekyll & Mistress Hyde

    The strange case of front-fastening bras and boring oral set to jangle pop. For softcore erotica that's supposed to be entertaining (?), there's a really dark "Lost Angeles" undercurrent running through this: a young prostitute who seems to live in an empty warehouse, IV drug use, suicidal depression. Features Erin Brown/Misty Mundae (Spiderbabe, Dickshark, the 2000s) in a double role - I like the scene where she comes into a psychiatrist's office to ask for dating advice.

  • Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

    Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

    ★★★

    Visually never not interesting, but Jekyll as a dapper young man torn between married life and hookers has to be the most uninspired take on the material. While the two female characters greatly aid in turning this into a Hollywood narrative, a homosocial setup is, in my eyes, essential to the story and atmosphere.

  • Forbidden World

    Forbidden World

    ★★★

    I don't care about astrophysics credentials, when will we finally send hotties into space? And will octagons make a comeback in the 2080s? Forbidden World holds the promise of a better future. Really loved the overall tone, and how unbothered everyone is by the genetic experiment on the loose. The only damper is that this movie looks like it smells terrible - like buckets of fake blood, caustic slime, easy-care polyblend finish, and styrofoam fast-food containers.

  • Saint Mary of Egypt

    Saint Mary of Egypt

    Forbidden VHS transmission recounting the life of St. Mary of Egypt (not to be confused with Mary the Copt, the Christian slave girl given to Muhammad).

    Mary, a teenage runaway washed up in the metropolis of Alexandria, is something worse than a fallen woman: she gives away her body for free, and seems to revel in her debauched lifestyle. Itching to corrupt a fresh batch of Christian pilgrims, she hitchhikes to Jerusalem. When an invisible force bans her from entering…

  • Doraemon: Nobita's Dorabian Nights

    Doraemon: Nobita's Dorabian Nights

    ★★★★½

    Nobita and his friends use magic shoes to jump into old comic books. Somewhere inside Arabian Nights they lose track of little Shizuka and return to the real world without her. By the time they notice her missing, Nobita's mother has already cleaned up his room and destroyed the comics. Doraemon uses an encyclopedia to research whether Arabian Nights has any connections to points in real-life history which they could access via the taimu masheen in Nobita's desk drawer. He…

  • Suburban Dykes

    Suburban Dykes

    "Our body fluids will keep a safe distance from each other"

  • The Agony of Byzantium

    The Agony of Byzantium

    Greeks cri evry tiem. This lavish costume spectacle is an early example of the "Ottomans vs. Byzantines" genre still popular in modern-day Turkey. Their versions, no doubt every bit as self-servingly biased, tell a different story: that of the formal death blow delivered to a decadent empire effectively already in Ottoman hands, its capital eroded since the 4th Crusade where Christians couldn't stop bonking each other's heads. "I'd rather see a turban than a mitre inside the City" - famous…

  • Action in Arabia

    Action in Arabia

    Casablanca by way of RKO isn't half bad, and by that I mean the first half with its choice noir zingers:

    "What is this, the Middle Ages?"
    - "No, the Middle East, but it sometimes comes to the same thing."

    "The oldest city in the world... and here am I right in the middle of it, suffering from the oldest emotion." (Fear? Anger? Lust?)

    Loads of camels, a rather strange investment. George Sanders never even comes close to Arabia, which begs the question why they didn't stick with Danger in Damascus as a title.

  • Devil Girl from Mars

    Devil Girl from Mars

    Something about UFOs landing in the Highlands just feels right to me. At the same time, by now I've seen it happen often enough that I may need to branch out and find outer-space invasions of Paraguay, Malaysia, or the Maldives.
    This movie has its heart in the right place, but after a promising start it becomes lethally boring. I watched the second half at 2x speed and it still dragged on forever.

    I read a theory that being scared…

  • Cat-Women of the Moon

    Cat-Women of the Moon

    Has the charm of a Twilight Zone episode and could have easily fit into one, but at 64 minutes doesn't overstay its welcome.