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  • Halloween II

    Halloween II

    ★★★★★

    It Is Happening Again.

    I say this without any reservation: Rob Zombie's Halloween II is a straight masterpiece. Fuck it, it's my favorite horror movie. Watching this feels like getting slowly run over by an 18-wheeler (in a good way). Every glass shard, knife slash, broken bone, and smashed-in head is felt intimately. The way Zombie lingers his camera on people in their final moments, both alone and with their loved ones, is enough to make a grown man cry…

  • Halloween

    Halloween

    ★★★★

    Heavily flawed, but real Zombie heads know this has to be evaluated alongside its divine sequel as a complete package, a story told in two parts. Halloween: Chapter One. Michael's story.

    The chief issue here is that reverence for the original keeps this from truly reaching its potential. Zombie immediately hit his stride with the genuinely tragic origin story. Having to step away from that to retrace Carpenter's path only hurt story he was trying to tell. Michael isn't a…

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  • The Haunting

    The Haunting

    ★½

    Interminable.

    The Haunting of Hill House has the worst writing I have ever seen in something so well-regarded. Given the glut of hidden ghost listicles, I can only surmise that its popularity is based on finding easter eggs. Well congrats everyone, you "solved" the show! You 100%d it. This is the only explanation for its popularity that makes sense to me.

    This series suffers no subtlety. Visual storytelling? Succinct dialogue? Ambiguity? No, absolutely not. Anything remotely interesting gets rounded off…

  • 3 from Hell

    3 from Hell

    ★★★★★

    YES!!! YESSSSS!!!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! IT LIVED UP TO MY HYPE!!!!!! ROB ZOMBIE'S WESTERN HANGOUT!!!!!!!!! YEEHAW!!!!!!!!!!

    The ol boy's still got it, and apparently hasn't gotten any of the memos in the past 10 years. God bless him, he's out here doing his thing without a care in the world. This is a genuine sequel to The Devil's Rejects: violent, nasty, mean, and exploitative as all hell. I really hope we get to see more from Zombie, because filmmakers like him are…