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  • xXx: Return of Xander Cage

    xXx: Return of Xander Cage

    ★★½

    There's a lot of forced diversity in this bizarre multicultural flavored action romp. I don't know if that's the result of political correctness this time because there's just nothing correct about any of this. Like, how did Vin Diesel's jacket pass inspection in these fickle times? Hell, he's maybe the most out of touch and lovably cocky male lead since Vanilla Ice in Cool as Ice. We don't get Vanilla, but Ice Cube is back to pay his respects to this...franchise? Extremely stupid but somewhat fun macho kitsch. 5.6/10

  • Aquaman

    Aquaman

    ★½

    Hollywood really seems to want to fuck fish lately. Aren't we even getting a rehash of The Little Mermaid soon?

    The saddest truth is that Aquaman is no longer just an Entourage gag. It's now an actual joke that imagines James Cameron's Avatar as it might've been cloned by George Lucas during his prequel phase. The filmmakers seem to reference Lucas's empire multiple times, especially with all the political mumbo jumbo and silly underwater creatures. Hell, we even get Django…

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  • Sabotage

    Sabotage

    ★★★★½

    Blissfully gritty and violent combination of pulp action and neo noir. It's the strongest in a string of distinguished work since Schwarzenegger has returned to movies. This is David Ayer's uncompromising reaction to The Expendables and it's not for wimps. Olivia Williams and Mireille Enos turn in exciting gender-defying performances as the hard-boiled women trapped in this nightmare of throbbing, reckless machismo.

  • Fifty Shades of Grey

    Fifty Shades of Grey

    ★★½

    EL James originally published a two-part piece of Twilight fan fiction called Master of the Universe wherein Bella was sexually enslaved by Edward and was apparently, "fucked hard." Eventually, a publisher encouraged her to modify that into an original story, which became the ridiculously successful Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy.

    That may partly explain why this film seems aimed at younger women ready to move past soft titillation into soft S&M. It's a bit like a nineties erotic thriller, minus…