American Rickshaw

American Rickshaw ★★★½

I know the term GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME gets thrown around so often it sounds sarcastic......... so let's do the math.

-1984 U.S. Olympic gold medalist (gymnastics) Mitch Gaylord, inventor of The Gaylord Flip and The GayLord II, takes time out of his busy schedule advertising for Vidal Sassoon and Playboy to be reinvented into an action star by Sergio Martino...
-The first person Mitch demonstrates his superior athleticism on is a woman he RIGHT HOOKS. He will later threaten this woman with a dirty syringe: "You've heard of AIDS right?"
-Mitch Gaylord is our protagonist.
-Miami just got hotter...
-This isn't actually an action film, but rather an anti-thriller (...its not thrilling) with black magic elements.
-The film displays Miami's rickshaw culture with an almost documentary precision...
-At one point Donald Pleasance wears a hairpiece similar to Christopher Lloyd as pre-Fester Adams.
-Donald Pleasance sex scene
-Donald Pleasance face painted green CLIMAX to said sex scene
-Donald Pleasance as pig
-Despite people turning into animals, at no point does Gaylord become a WereTiger (minus 100 points)
-Daniel Greene with a goatee that looks like he's using the same spray paint can method as 1997 Hulk Hogan.
-Greene's Hands of Steel dispatch blackmailing pornographers and roommates that run up the phone bills, yet HE is the bad guy?!
-There are no actual Tigers...
-There is an elderly asian woman with a psychic connection to Gaylord because they shared an oddly romantic slow motion ride in the rain. She is essentially viewing everything that we the audience are, and getting upset watching it to the point of violent fits (she does with her wheelchair what Regan MacNeil does with her head). Her reaction to American Tiger is to set thing on fire, with her mind........
-I was also driven to set things on fire, and miss physical media.

Tallying in all the little things this film has "going for it" like last minute body horror, random homophobia that feels like the filmmakers are overcompensating for the name over the marquee, and more cutaways of Cats and Cobras than you can shake a dirty syringe at... and we have the best starring vehicle for a gymnast that isn't Gymkata.......

In conclusion: Greatest Movie of All Time +1

Geoffrey liked these reviews