Lady Bird ★★★★

I'm sick of people talking about tolerance in this country. I keep hearing about tolerance. It's 2014, we should be at acceptance & love. What's this tolerance business? What do you tolerate, back pain? **I've been tolerating back pain...and the gay latino at work.** It's a very low bar for humanity. And I'm not the first person who's said this, alright? One of the great philosophers of our time has said a very similar thing. I'm of course talking about the actor Matthew McConaughey. The Oscar winning actor Matthew McConaughey, because the Oscars don't mean anything.

Matthew McConaughey said a similar statement when doing press before his film Magic Mike. He said that in the gay magazine The Advocate. The Advocate interview does not say what Matthew McConaughey was wearing, I think we can all assume he wasn't wearing a shirt. The first question they ask Matthew McConaughey is, "What does the support of the gay community mean to you?" And Matthew McConaughey says, "It's much appreciated. You know I have some good friends of my own who happen to be gay. And when it comes to gay, straight, or whatever, I'm for anything life affirmative." No idea what the fuck that means. Clearly some Austin bongo philosophy. It's not a real point of view you can have. "I'm for gay power, straight power, male power, or female power," he stopped before white power which is good. But there's a semi-colon here. Maybe he thought about it for a second. "Everybody should feel empowered without oppressing anyone who's different. You know those world cup banners about tolerance? I always thought that was one short. No, don't just tolerate me. Understand and accept me." That's a beautiful thing...that his PR person wrote for him. And I say that because the rest of the interview goes terribly awry.

The next question of interest is, "What was your first exposure to gay people?" Which is a terrible question, to begin with. Exposure? Like gay people are radiation or some shit? **When were you first exposed to this gay-diation? Yeah? I been reading about it in the news. Some scary stuff. NPR did a story. Scary.**

Matthew McConaughey says, "In high school I was a jock. Popular, good looking, in student council, had a girlfriend. I was that guy." Why the fuck are you telling us this? You're clearly that guy because you just said that thing. That's what that guy says, he says that thing. And then starts talking about a friend he had in high school who he refers to as a gay gothic chick.

"But I also had a friend who was a gay gothic chick. So she was outcast because she was gay and because she was goth, with the tattoos and the piercings." With the tattoos and the piercings! How fucking old are you, 800?! **With the tattoos and the piercings that these kids have!** Why the definite article there? I don't understand. "But she was also really fucking cool and smart. I would always invite her out with my group, but it was hard for her to come out on her own. So mostly we would hang out separately. So I crossed the tracks back and forth with her." What fucking tracks are you talking about? **Well I was in Cool Kid Town so I'd take the shuttle bus to Gay Freakville and I'd hang out with this gay freak and I'd mention it in an interview 20 years later because it was useful at the time.**

And then The Advocate says, "That's refreshing." This is clearly gold and they have to keep digging. "That's refreshing because it sounds like you were a stereotype of someone that outcasts have to watch out for in high school."

And Matthew McConaughey says, "Right?" Which of course is short for, "Alright, alright."

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