The Weimar experience: you reveal the demented criminal who masterminds all the depravity, and they reward you by locking you up and giving him the key. Hats revolve, brimmed with pigeonshit.
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Crimes of the Future 2022
Giger's eroticism, brought within, fosters an atmosphere somewhere between porn and immersive theatre; but a composition perfect for film.
Given the over-egged acting and difficult script, I might have preferred less dialogue. I ignored whatever terf politics this film has in favour of enjoying its steaming sensory treasury: abdomens bursting with Sharpied sausages; organic, riveted, chitinous automata; a dark, hot, farting soundtrack; barnacled Cheerios adorning abandoned tugs; rotting, gleaming stick-and-poke membranes; an lust for the seepage from trans DIY; vibrating chairs assembled from unnamed bones; silent, empty streets; and Neo-Aragorn auditioning for Batman.
Time for the new sex.
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The Keepers 1991
BBC Shakespeare blew everything on the soundtrack. No money remains for passable wigs.
See the Siberian tundra of Eriador realised in stagey, low-budget glory, with liberal lens lubing, sideburns, static backgrounds, and reverb. Merry's feet floof conspicuously from between Old Man Willow's roots. The chad goliath Bombadil yodeled his way into my heart. No other characters outsize hobbits.
The fun, resounding electronica and suggestive panting soundtrack will stay with me. Blink and you might miss the larpy Nazgul, lady Legolas, 'gnome' Gimli, Balrog sock puppet or naff eagle. Gandalf dies without fanfare.
Slavicise all the sacred cows for my pleasure.
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Jodorowsky's Dune 2013
Wow, this batch of dorky men all desperately want me to fuck Alejandro Jodorowsky.
Jodorowsky makes striking films, but here merely projects his hideous ego dully from his living room. He has no patience for collaborators prioritising execution over vision. This mindset is anathema to competent project management. What doofus signs divas Welles and Dalí at any cost, including hiring their lovers and chefs?
Giger and Moebius' art should star, alongside Foss' designs. Instead we rehearse incantations of Jodorowsky's 'genius', while he says seriously dumb shit. The unmade twelve-hour movie would have sucked and flopped at the box office.
