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  • Underworld

    Underworld

    Pure dog shit. It sucked dick but not enough dick to be hilariously bad. It was in the uncanny valley of shitty movies usually reserved for m night shamalan.  How the fuck did they take “werewolves vs vampires” and make it confusing and convoluted? They shoot guns??? Why the fuck aren’t the vampires stronger?? Where are their super powers??  How did the dumbass werewolves lose the war when these bitch ass vampires need guns to kill them?? Every major plot…

  • Jaws

    Jaws

    ★★★

    I’m sure this shit wouldve blown my mind if I watched it in a polyester jump suit, after getting off work at a manufacturing job I didn’t know was about to be outsourced, next to my wife that I met when she let me raw dog her at Woodstock. But I watched it high as shit, in sweatpants in 2020 and though I don’t have a wife or family, what I do have that 70’s me doesn’t, is access to…

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  • Extraction

    Extraction

    ★★★★½

    Thor gets to be John wick/Jason borne against an Indian drug lord?? That’s a big motherfucking hell yes from me, mate.

    It’s getting 4.5 instead of 5 stars bc there were like 8 minutes where he talks/gets emotional instead of no scope headshotting swat team guys and I felt the movie should be penalized for that

  • Jackie Brown

    Jackie Brown

    ★★★★★

    Certified Bangeroonie. Pam Grier is so hot in every sense. I wanna say all it would take for me to bust with regards to Pam Grier would be a conversation with her, but if I’m being honest, some intense eye contact would probably do the trick. The cast rocks from top to bottom. Samuel L Jackson goes for 40 pts with 8 rebounds and 4 assists. Deniro plays an incredible washed up, stoner, dumbass crook with a great mustache. We…