• Thunderball


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "Strange as it may seem, I've grown accustomed to your face."

    Theme: Tom Jones. Funny story, actually: apparently they were originally gonna make the theme "Mr. Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang" and made a second version of it with Dionne Warwick when Shirley Bassey's rendition didn't match up with the credits sequence, but ended up going with Tom Jones' Thunderball when UA was upset over the title not being in the song. Having listened to the Warwick version, this was an…

  • Goldfinger


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "I must have appealed to her maternal instincts."

    Theme: Shirley Bassey - ST
    Girls: Jill Masterson, Tilly Soames (Masterson), Pussy Galore

    Hot off the heels of taking down a cocaine operation somewhere in South America, Bond thinks he's earned a vacation in Miami only for a, noticeably much older, Agent Leiter to drop in with a mission for him: discover the criminal activities of one Auric Goldfinger. Bond quickly catches wise to Auric's dirty dealings in card games and brings…

  • From Russia with Love

    From Russia with Love

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "Red wine with fish; that should have told me something."

    Theme: Matt Monro - "From Russia, With Love" (will be referred to as ST for Self Titled where applicable from hereon)
    Girls: Tatiana Romanava, Vida & Zora the Gypsies

    SPECTRE has refused to let the death of Dr. No go unanswered, and have trained an escaped psychopath by the name of Donald Grant to dispose of Bond, but are doing so in the midst of another grand plot: to steal a…

  • Dr. No

    Dr. No

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "I'd prefer the revenge department."

    Theme: Kingston Kalypso - Byron Lee & The Dragonaires
    Girls: Sylvia Trench, Miss Taro, Honey Ryder

    Dr. Stangways is killed in a strange way outside his local country club, shot to death by a trio of men masquerading as blind beggars. That same day, the men also kill Stangway's new assistant, an clerical agent sent out by MI-6 to keep radio contact. In their mission, they also make off with two vital case files of his,…

  • Two Sisters from Boston

    Two Sisters from Boston

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Just caught this on TCM because I've been in the mood for a talkie like this from that era and also have trouble sleeping from time to time.
    I remember the plot plainly, but can't really describe it to the same justice as movies I actually own copies of, due to being unable to review scenes. But this is a very fine comedy of errors with some other great gags, like Olstrom's dog parodying the Victrola logo and then the…

  • Grease


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    One of the lynchpin films in the cultural zeitgeist, referenced enough that people wouldn't realize it's even a reference. Despite being based on a stage play, the film is relentlessly optimistic. As soon as Rizzo says she missed a period, and in the next scene The T-Birds are talking up Thunder Road, I'm primed for the kid to be Kenickie's and for him to get run off a cliff. What happens instead is he gets humorously conked on the noggin,…

  • The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day

    The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    A sequel made simply for the demand of it, that manages to have a couple moments where it recaptures whatever spark the original had, but is hampered by a retcon of their introduction into a finale, 8 years of radio silence, some horrible soundtrack decisions, a femme fatale with big heels to fill against Dafoe, a cavalcade of villains who can't decide when they wanna be threats or jesters, an extremely self-serving dream sequence, and a backstory that makes no…

  • The Boondock Saints

    The Boondock Saints

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    A proper action movie that rides the line between spectacle and melodrama like a clown rides a unicycle across the tightrope. Conner and Murphy are a very well performed set of twins, obviously not the same character but with enough overlap to not matter who is who. Best of all is the way Smecker is done. In most movies like this, the agent pursuing the vigilante heroes is portrayed as the worst scum alive just because they're doing their job,…

  • The City of Lost Children

    The City of Lost Children

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I keep my vhs tapes organized alphabetically in a dresser. Feeling bad for having not watched something in a while, due to my own predilection for abiding by rules that both help and hinder my engagement with something, I decided to arbitrarily pick the third row, second column, and second tape from the top. So you can imagine my surprise when Christmas is so central to the plot. The distortion of things, mere days after taking down the decorations in…

  • My Cousin Vinny

    My Cousin Vinny

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Remarkably, whenever I happened to catch this on tv, it was always at some point after the arraignment. So, at no point had I seen the first portion of the movie prior to Joe Pesci's arrival, which unlike my timing was mostly unremarkable, thus further ensuring I would never here any quotable lines from these scenes. It's funny, with two comedy of errors type misunderstandings, the phony confession and Vinny meeting the kids in the cell, but nothing that pops…

  • The 'Burbs

    The 'Burbs

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    The motivations of Joe Dante in making this picture could've been as a pastiche of the mundanity of suburban life, or showing how the life is anything but. Either way, you can't deny that it oozes style, not necessarily in its cinematography, which is just above average, but in the plot and scoring. The dust devil kicking up only when Ray crosses the property line, the dramatic reveal of Klopek the younger, the subsequent attempt to establish contact, Ray's nightmare,…

  • Alice's Restaurant

    Alice's Restaurant

    From a young age, I have made it a tradition to listen to the song Alice's Restaurant Massacree. It began with some station, either The Sound or KROQ, playing it every year at midnight, when I used to listen to the radio so I could fall asleep. I then decided to listen to it during the day of Thanksgiving, so as to not interrupt my sleep and because I now need silence to fall asleep. This was over the span…