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  • Doctor Sleep

    Doctor Sleep

    There is a major difference in what constitutes a movie and what makes a TV mini-series.

    A movie has a main plot and maybe a few subplots, then BOOM it's over.

    A TV mini-series is a movie that you forgot to edit and it runs for at least 3 hours or so. It has the same main plot and subs, but it also has long drawn-out scenes that don't add anything substantial to the story.

    They're just used as bloated…

  • Jojo Rabbit

    Jojo Rabbit


    I can't believe I'm saying this:

    "This movie needs more Hitler scenes. He is the most enjoyable character in years!"

    Everything else is "meh". I'd rather binge old TV reruns.

  • Frozen II

    Frozen II

    I'm usually praising Jennifer Lee's work (Wreck it Ralph, Zootopia, Frozen), but she really phoned it in this time. It's like a collection of scenes awaiting a rewrite that contains interest and plot.

    Remember around 2000 when Disney spewed forth all those terrible sequels? This sequel was slightly better than those. (I actually watched this one all the way through to the stupid ending)

    Do like everyone said back in 2000: skip the sequel and just rewatch the first movie. It's supremely better.

    (the one star is for the animation crew, a shitty story isn't their fault)

  • A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

    A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood


    I guess I didn't drink the kool-aid like the other reviewers.

    You can't help but like Tom Hanks in every Tom Hanks movie. But this "afterschool special" PSA is lacking.

    The film felt like the producers watched an episode of This is Us or A Million Little Things and said "let's make movie drama like those, but frame it around Mr. Rogers.

    Maybe I should read the '98 Esquire article this seems based-on. Meh, I'll just let viewers "feel empowered" and "want to be a better person". That doesn't sound too bad.

  • Ford v Ferrari

    Ford v Ferrari


    I found this show even more entertaining than that other racing movie "Rush". You know, the one with Thor in it.

    This is also a based-on-a-true-story type film. I still can't believe a human made this. It's like they got a room of A.I. computers to take every beloved, dramatic sports movie and told them to made one about this 1966 car race.

    The movie then proceeds to tick all the boxes of how a great movie goes along and it ends magnificently.

  • Spider-Man: Far from Home

    Spider-Man: Far from Home


    It starts off kind meh "Spidey's European Vacation" sans-Griswolds.

    But it hooked me in till the finish. Will I wanna watch it again? meh.

    It's like the writers were outlining the screenplay in hashtags to dumb it down for today's audiences.


  • Little Woods

    Little Woods


    Excellent casting, writing, and directing.

    This really shows the gritty underbelly of the American Dream. I found it interesting to see how the story unfolded. I guess you could say it's like "Breaking Bad" since drugs are involved, but it more about playing the hand you're dealt.

    I don't wanna give anything away, but I would've just moved north and never looked back.

  • The Lion King

    The Lion King


    The opening sequence is breathtaking CGI. Scar is so dark with a tragic back story, and Mufasa is still James Earl Jones!

    But then...Beyonce can sing, but can't act. Donald Glover can act, but can't sing. Fart gags. There's some terrible "Spirit" song that doesn't belong.

    Circle of Life, THE END. *credits roll*

    Did I mention Scar is the real hero? When does Scar get his own movie?

  • Downton Abbey

    Downton Abbey


    If you're a Downton fan, of course you're going to watch and enjoy this.

    If you're not, it'll either convert you...or maybe it's just not your cuppa tea.

  • Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw

    Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw


    That sumbitch really is Black Superman

    A ridonkulous over-the-top popcorn flick with way too many pointless monologues. But the cameos really are the best parts, and I kinda liked the endless banter.

    By the end, my ice-cold critic's heart had melted enough to get it a 2.5star rating.

  • John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

    John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

    John Wick 1 was very interesting and inventive.

    JW2 still has the violence nicely choreographed but gets old and boring like watching someone else play a video game on God-mode.

    JW3 is where they beat the dead horse and the violence gets older and boringer and repetitiver. They have to add in squeamish things like eyeballs, toenails, and genital-munching just to keep the audience awake. Punches glass repeatedly, never gets cut. Throws CGI knives and axes, always hits. Loads of…

  • Big Game

    Big Game

    The most expensive Finnish film ever is also the lamest after-school special.