Batman Forever

Batman Forever ★★

This starts out like a children’s story. It’s free associative nonsense of Batman does this, and then he does this which involves ‘boiling’ acid (the boiling seems pretty academic when it’s a pool of acid), safe cracking in mid air by hearing-aid and leather daddy goons shooting sci fi guns. It sounds cool when you read about it but is a mess on the screen.

A lot of this film is terrible. Kilmer is atrocious as Batman (and Wayne) with no presence at all. Jim Carey is fun once he’s properly the Riddler but is in full Riddler mode from scene one, even before he’s adopted the persona. It’s exhausting. He is also only fun sometimes.

They also keep trying to make Robin happen and I’m kind of here for it because it feels like cheesy porn acting. At one point he definitely was trying to hook up with Alfred. I guess I’m saying that this film opens up more interesting doors than the ones it actually enters.

Mostly this is atrociously ugly, with all the Dutch angles you could ever want - and more, way more. The film also decides to start with a new villain it hasn’t introduced and just roles with it. We then get the backstory of this villain, Two Face, told to us via a news report on a TV that Bruce Wayne happens to be watching. A small TV. And we don’t get a full view of it. That’s either immersive storytelling or just another example of this movie being awful.

Take your pick.

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