Super Mario Bros. ★★

To start, I watched this film with RiffTrax. It's hilarious and gets a 5 out of 5. Absolutely worth watching, especially if you're a video game fan. The guys are all on top of their game and it makes this special film all the better. Highly recommended.

This is the first time I had ever seen the infamous Super Mario Bros. film. And yes, while I did watch the film with RiffTrax, I think I can give a fairly good review of the standalone movie as well.

Super Mario Bros. is a movie that is trying exceptionally hard to be Blade Runner, and not at all trying to be Super Mario. It's almost flabbergasting how little this film has to do with the beloved series. I feel certain that any Mario fans who saw this in theaters either left frightened, disappointed, or scarred for life. This is a fun film, but for all the wrong reasons.

Try and identify all of these classic Mario game moments:

• Mario & Luigi having a double date at an Italian restaurant
• Mario & Luigi dance in a nightclub
• Mario plunges his face into a woman's exposed cleavage
• Harmonica-playing Goombas (who are all 8 feet tall, by the way)
• Mario rescues a room full of scantily-clad women
• Mario rides through the sewers with a chain smoker on a mattress
• Bowser's mistress stabs Yoshi in the neck with a knife
• Stereotypical Japanese men offer Mario & Luigi their own game

It's a fairly fun ride, but a terrible piece of work. Still, it's worth watching if just to see the trainwreck firsthand. An interesting piece of history if nothing else.

All that being said... I would love to see a video game based on this movie. It needs to happen, and I would throw all sorts of money at it.