Phil Sternwise

They call it the Dark Side. I guess. Whatever.

Favorite films

  • Zardoz

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  • House of Maxwell

    ★★★½

  • Elvis

    ★★★

  • The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

    ★★★★

  • Untitled Frank Bullitt Film

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  • House of Maxwell

    House of Maxwell

    20 years, bitch. Enjoy.

  • Elvis

    Elvis

    This prequel to Bubba Hotep is excessively long, but really, if they cut Tom Hanks out of this, the movie would have gotten at least 3 1/2 stars, maybe four. In fact, fire the original editor, take the footage and make a 100 minute film, and we're there. This movie wins the Golden Turkey Award for worst editing, and Worst Actor Award for Tom Hanks...but...

    ...it's sad, because there's a great Elvis movie in there somewhere, with the lead actor…

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  • Aquaman

    Aquaman

    No, this isn't gay porn, though this poster looks like it is, it is another ridiculous attempt to turn D.C. comics into movies and television shows which still continues to fail hilariously.

  • Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    I have a bad feeling about this...

    Alan Smithee presents: $tar War$: Plan 9: Rise of the Undead Corpse of the Franchise

    It's like an unfinished movie. It's like a movie that was only half made and then re-made or something… like Justice League… or Solar Crisis… or perhaps the new Fantastic Four...

    The dead speak! (Through computer animated reincarnation). The Franchise's dead corpse is hooked to a life support machine in this "film" which appears to be completely compiled…