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  • Mamma Mia!

    Mamma Mia!

    ★★

    Everybody who likes this poorly-staged karaoke treatment of ABBA's genius does not get to scoff at my love for Across the Universe or Moulin Rouge!.

    Ever.

  • The First Purge

    The First Purge

    ★★

    Had literally no intentions of catching this but fucking moviepass' surge pricing meant I couldn't watch the Rock fight a burning building like I wanted to. So I just watched another Escape from New York rip-off in a franchise of Escape from New York rip-offs.

    I will admit a pleasure to seeing the very badass Y'lan Noel choke a soldier in blackface to death.

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  • Shark Tale

    Shark Tale

    ½

    "And may that first child, be a masculine child." -Luca Brasi to Don Lino on the day of Lenny's birth.

    What the fuck did you think The Godfather meant by "swimming with the fishes"?

  • mother!

    mother!

    ★½

    Aronofsky thinks he's hot shit, I can literally make the same movie, themes and all.

    Just give me 10 minutes on Roller Coaster Tycoon.