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  • Halloween III: Season of the Witch

    Halloween III: Season of the Witch

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    🎶 🎶 📺 🎶 🎶
    👦 👧 📺 👧 👦
    🛍 🛍 💀 🛍 🛍
    💀 💀 📺 💀 💀
    👁 👁 🎃 👁 👁
    😕 🕷 😲 🐍 😱
    😈 💰 🕴 💰 😈

    ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐❤️

  • Magnolia

    Magnolia

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    (Note: this is more of a personal essay than a review, but for me, with this particular film, that’s probably unavoidable.)

    According to my 1999 journal, my entire reaction to Magnolia—my 376th theatrical screening of the year—was: “Great fucking film. Three fucking hours. Not actually sure why it’s called Magnolia.”

    I didn’t know it at the time, but the film had its hooks in me. Just over two weeks later, as 1999 rolled over into 2000 and the digital plague…

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  • Ebirah, Horror of the Deep

    Ebirah, Horror of the Deep

    ★★½

    Colorful and silly combination of Bond craze spy flick and monster movie, with a dash of beach party youth element for flavor. Not what I’m looking for personally, but this actually seems to know what it is a lot better than King Kong vs. Godzilla did.

    Speaking of which: the biggest problem with this kaiju film is that it’s starring the wrong kaiju. Even before I did any reading on the production history, it was obvious that Godzilla was being…

  • King Kong vs. Godzilla

    King Kong vs. Godzilla

    ★★½

    American cut, which is partly—but not entirely—why I was so underwhelmed by this.

    I have often thought that if I appreciated professional wrestling unironically I would be a better (or at least happier) person. Unfortunately, I don’t, and I’m not.

    Was really not a fan of the satirical / comic relief approach to the human characters or the monsters. Monster movies are inherently absurd, and monster rallies doubly so, but so much is lost when the material isn’t played more…

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  • Spider-Man: Homecoming

    Spider-Man: Homecoming

    ★★

    A soulless superhero franchise film and an inept high school comedy try to make it work for the sake of the kids; the forced smiles and underlying tension permeate every moment.

    As a super-hero movie, Homecoming is exactly the glop you’d expect from two movie studios executing two competing business plans. I knew that this movie would ultimately devolve into a blur of CGI—they all do—so I could hardly be surprised or disappointed by that. My hopes and fears were…

  • Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    ★★★½

    Hey. Remember that thing you like? They made more, and they didn’t screw it up this time. They went back to the original recipe.

    Boy, did they ever.

    The Force Awakens doubles down on the series’ talismanic repetition of phrases and situations, to the point that it might as well be a remake of the first film. Unfortunately, it’s a sequel, and the weakest moments in the film are easily those featuring the original trilogy cast. (To be blunt, having…