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  • Eye of the Beholder

    Eye of the Beholder

    ★½

    Minus three and a half stars for having Ewan McGregor playing a guy codenamed “Eye” and not having Ashley Judd play a lady named Bea Holder. Shame on you all.

  • Edge of Tomorrow

    Edge of Tomorrow

    ★★★★

    Genuinely offensive to me that the movie didn’t include a sad cover version of the Saved By the Bell: The College Years theme song.

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  • Parasite

    Parasite

    Another Bong hit.

  • Lady Bird

    Lady Bird

    ★★★★★

    Two names. Two boyfriends. Two best friends. Two semesters. Two school plays. Two dances. Two parties. Two distinct relationships with her parents. Two potential colleges. Two churches. And a hundred million kajillion tears for the scene at the airport.