Minus three and a half stars for having Ewan McGregor playing a guy codenamed “Eye” and not having Ashley Judd play a lady named Bea Holder. Shame on you all.

Genuinely offensive to me that the movie didn’t include a sad cover version of the Saved By the Bell: The College Years theme song.

Another Bong hit.

Two names. Two boyfriends. Two best friends. Two semesters. Two school plays. Two dances. Two parties. Two distinct relationships with her parents. Two potential colleges. Two churches. And a hundred million kajillion tears for the scene at the airport.