Hellboy ★★½

Surely on my personal Mount Rushmore of movies that I feel like I should love and just ... don’t. It’s got Ron Perlman and that incredible makeup as a very likable Hellboy, terrific Guillermo del Toro direction, and imaginative production design. So what’s the problem?

There’s a few. After Hellboy and his beloved Liz (Selma Blair), the most important character is John Myers (Rupert Evans), the newest member of the BPRD. He's supposed to be the audience surrogate that we see this incredible world through. But the BPRD isn’t honestly that weird, even if you've never read a Hellboy comic, and John Myers himself is even more bland and generic than the name “John Myers.”

Plus the villains are all garbage. You have the weird old Nazi sand robot guy who just constantly spins his swords around and then Rasputin; the only thing scary about him is his fashion sense. The demon monster creature isn't terrible as a one-off, but they just keep multiplying — stupid god of resurrection! — and they get pretty old. So you’ve got a lot of the pieces of the great movie, but they just don’t come together.