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Matt has written 7 reviews for films rated ★½ during 2012.

  • Dark Shadows

    Dark Shadows


    What is this thing? A supernatural soap opera? A spoof of a soap opera? A goofy horror comedy? A terrifying monster movie? Correct answer: none of the above. It's a goddamn mess. Ugh.

  • Safe House

    Safe House


    Forget Petraeus: the existence of this movie is the biggest CIA scandal of the year.

  • Die Another Day

    Die Another Day


    If you want to die another day, you might want to skip this movie. It's so bad it could kill you. #hack #horriblejokes #its3amandImstillworking

  • The World Is Not Enough

    The World Is Not Enough


    In retrospect, the world was probably enough.

  • The Dictator

    The Dictator


    SPOILER ALERT: This movie is not very funny.

  • The Big Year

    The Big Year


    Jeez this is bland. It's like movie Iceberg lettuce.

  • Resurrect Dead: The Mystery of the Toynbee Tiles

    Resurrect Dead: The Mystery of the Toynbee Tiles


    Hugely disappointed by this one. It doesn't pass The Willmore Test of documentaries: it's about an incredibly interesting subject, but it doesn't look at that subject in an interesting way. The film is about the mystery surrounding these ominous tiles that sprouted up all over the country and even the world in the 1980s, suggesting some sort of plan to resurrect dead people on Jupiter, inspired by Kubrick's 2001. I'd seen these things around my old neighborhood in Manhattan, so…