Young Frankenstein

Young Frankenstein ★★★★★

Frankenstein: (giving Igor a doctor's exam) Hmmm... I don't see what the problemmm - Aha!

Igor: What? Did ya find it?

F: Yes I did!

I: Is it bad?

F: Not too terribly bad... But it could be rather painful.

I: I knew it! I knew I should have never wiped me auss with those damn leaves!

F: Igor?

I: Yes master?

F: Just what sort of leaves were these that you wiped your ass with, if I may ask?

I: Ahhh... They were green.

F: Green?

I: That's right... Green.

F: Could you be little more specific?

I: Whatda mean by that... Specific?

F: I mean, could you give some more details about those leaves you wiped your ass with? I need more than just " they were green".

I: Okay than... Well (thinking really hard)... They were a bit rough.

F: Rough?!

I: Yeah, that's right, rough!

F: hmmmm...

I: What is it now?

F: Oh nothing... Just that these leaves sound an awful lot like poison ivy.

I: Poison ivoy?!

F: Yes! And the rashes on your anus look a lot like the rashes one gets... From poison ivy!

I: Oh deer!

F: Yes! Oh deer indeed!

I: I had no idea! Tell me Frankenstein... Will my anus be olright?

F: Depends...

I: Depends on what?

F: Depends if I can find the right medicine for it.

I: You mean to tell me, they actually have medicine that gets rid of that stoff?

F: Yes, they most certainly do!

I: Well, that's just wonderfole... How do you use it?

F: Why, put it directly on the anus of course.

I: That's it?

F: Mhhm...

I: ...I see... What happens if you get inside your auss?

F: Well, you wouldn't want to do that. It's not meant for putting inside anything, just for putting on the surface.

I: I'M not talkin bout the medicine!!

F: Than what are you talking about?

I: The poison ivoy!! I'm talkin bout the poison ivoy!!

F: Oh... Well, you most definitely wouldn't want to get that in there either!

I: I see... Sooooo...? Where do we find this poison ivoy auss cream?

F: I'm afraid it's not on the market.

I: (puzzle) Not... On da market...?

F: Afraid not, I would have to make it myself.

I: Well than?

F: Well what?

I: Are you gonna get to it or not olreadly?!!

F: Hold your horses, Igor. I will, I will! All in due time though.

I: Well I think it's due time now... I don't think me auss can take much more of this.

F: Then I'll get on it right away!


F: It is finished!!!

I: What's finished? (looking at Frankenstein with a puzzled stare)

F: Why the medicine of course!

I: Good! So, who's gonna put it on?

F: ...I guess I'll have to be the one.


I: Olright than... Just don't you be go gettin any iydeas!

F: (sort of annoyed) Hadn't planned on it!

[Frankenstein prepares to rub on the medicinal cream, with Igor - but cheeks spread apart - lying face down on the operating table... Frankenstein begins rubbing on the medicinal cream]

I: Ow!

F: What?! Does it hurt?!

I: ...No ...Actually... It feels quite nice... You should be proud master.

F: (sarcastically with a slight giggle) Of what?!

I: Your hands.

F: My hand?!

I: Yes... You have such gentle hands!

[long silence]

F: Why thank you, Igor... I suppose.

I: Don't be ashamed master.

F: ...Why should I be ashamed...?

I: Because of what you're doing...

F: And what is it I'm doing...?

I: ...Rubbing my anus (deep inhale & exhale)... With a soft gentle cream using your soft gentle hands.

[long silence]

F: Okay than... I think we're done here!

I: Olready?!

F: Afraid so.

[Igor gets up off of operating table and pulls up his trousers... Frankenstein walks him to the exit door of the operating chambers]

I: (standing outside doorway, looking at Frankenstein) Can't thank you enough master!

F: Oh, no big deal... Just helping out a friend -

[long uncomfortable silence]

F: Now, if you don't mind, I have to get back to more important things!

I: Olright than!


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