Melody has written 289 reviews for films rated ★★½ .

  • The Wrong Cruise

    The Wrong Cruise


    I thought the Dominique-thon might be as fun as the Mischa one but it's really exhausting and the best I can say for it is it makes me appreciate even the worst of Mischa's work even more. At the same time, I think I'm spoiled by like Hallmark Christmas TV movies (especially the Alicia Witt/Lacey Chabert ones) so even on the TV movie level this seems dire. But to be fair I think I was a little more engaged with…

  • We Joined the Navy

    We Joined the Navy


    "This is an initiative test not an assault course!"

    Sort of an early Police Academy which hasn't aged quite as badly as the Carry Ons of the same era (quite)… I laughed quite a bit early on but still tired of it by the end.

  • Pompeii



    Even when I tried, the effects just struck me as so bad here, and the story is just reaching too hard. Doctor Who did better when they approached this. I did forget how adorable Emily Browning was/is though. It's just weirdly sincere for a PTSA movie, and that works worse than you'd expect, so at least it proves how great his usual less earnest tone was.

  • A Hard Day's Night

    A Hard Day's Night


    "Are you a mod or a rocker?"
    "Um, no. I’m a mocker."

    Yeh this is probably why it took me so long to get around to Help! ‘cos the quality gap between this and that is huge considering they were only made a year apart by the same director. There’s a good moment or two (the disappearing doves and Anna Quayle’s scene) and the music is great of course (If I Fell is maybe my single fave of theirs and…

  • Chimes at Midnight

    Chimes at Midnight


    I'm sorry but the post-synced audio on this ruined it for me. It's so bad I kept trying it on different devices thinking it was something else. Whole sections are unwatchable. I don't know what else to say, I've been wanting to watch this for years (Henry IV Part One was one of my fave things studied at school mainly 'cos of Falstaff) but I'm so disappointed.

  • Bastille Day

    Bastille Day


    I was really excited about this movie when I saw the trailer back in 2016 then I was like "umm, why the f are they not releasing it for the day in the title?" lol but I had no idea about the whole reason it was pulled and ultimately retitled (I'm so glad it still had the original title in my copy - albeit in the end credits - and on here, btw). I spent a lot of the time…

  • The Curse of La Llorona

    The Curse of La Llorona


    Okay I'll admit I probably actively zoned out of this to begin with 'cos I so had no interest… but especially after watching Annabelle Comes Home with that wonderful twist from the "mischievous babysitter's friend" sorta trope, just taking what would've already been a fine movie to a great one, this just comes over even more lazy, like, I love they brought the Annabelle priest back cos he's a wonderful presence (I still think he looks like F. Murray Abraham…

  • Spirits of the Dead

    Spirits of the Dead


    I am not having a good '68. Maybe I'm not in the mood for anything right now. This was a holdover from many Halloweens and I almost held it till this coming one but I have plenty for September-November this year and I was kind of desperate to watch something I was relatively sure I'd like… but this just didn't do much for me at all, despite being technically impressive and atmospheric etc. The first two parts nearly put me…

  • Trog



    The weird casting of Crawford in this doesn't explain the pure badness of the rest of it. It's like it's deliberately bad. I just don't know how anyone could've made this even in 1970 and not felt anything but pure contempt for whatever audience paid to see it. Still, glad I finally saw it… I mean… it's history…

    (upped this half a star 'cos, as someone else pointed out, they did do one of the best parts of Chain Saw 3 years before Chain Saw…)

  • See No Evil

    See No Evil


    Just exactly the midpoint between Wait Until Dark and Rosemary's Baby that you'd expect. I barely watched it, but I wasn't completely disappointed. Elmer Bernstein's wasted though.

  • Shaft



    "Please don't use the N word."

    This got me so hooked with its trippy first 8 minutes setting up the timelines (do not watch if you're feeling old) and then panic set in almost immediately as it set up the "new" Shaft. Thank god that segment is a deliberate lean to set up a weak thread of generational humour and once Samuel L. Jackson shows up it feels a little more like a movie than a TV show; and though…

  • Friday the 13th

    Friday the 13th


    This has never felt more like 3 movies in 1 lol… I am tripping my brains out on lack of sleep at this point so my reviews may be very short from here on out, I can barely type lol… It's not too bad though, probably the most direct of these 2000s remakes, 'cos there's really not much you can expand upon really…