Can somebody please tell me why the FUCK this thing had to be 160 minutes? A runtime that long for a story this sparse and poorly developed is truly a crime. I feel as though I was robbed of two hours and forty minutes of my life, like it was snatched from me while I slept—but that might actually be preferable to the way I actually spent those 160 minutes, which is watching this fucking movie.

I wish I could be more eloquent but having just sat through this mess the only thing I can think to say is: it is ugly, boring, and dour. Truly abysmal. Loathsome. I despised it. What infuriates me even more is that I think there’s a kernel of an interesting idea here, but this film treats its characters and concepts so carelessly. In addition to that, it is just laden with so much useless flab that the whole thing suffers, and you really have to strain your eyes to even see what it might’ve been given a more competent and sensitive writer and director. 

My only consolation is that, unless I’m abducted and strapped to a chair and forced by a sadistic fan to endure the rest of this director’s ouvre, I will never have to watch a Lars Von Trier movie ever again.