Lee Van Cleef has a great scrunchy face.

Why wasn’t Chuck Norris in this? Did he not want a free trip to the Philippines? This could’ve been called Invasion Island. 

Now you want 80s Chuck Norris vs Fulci zombies.

Joaquin Phoenix plays a total dumbass so well. Love that dude. And how was Julia Roberts the sweetheart of the 90s? That was Nicole Kidman’s decade. Step off, Roberts!

I recognized Danny Elfman’s sound immediately. It seemed as if he was still in Edward Scissorhands mode, but there was a huge Jerry Goldsmith ‘Burbs vibe along with it. Even the dog’s name is Walter. It just worked.

This movie is like a mix of Fargo and I, Tonya, which I didn’t expect, so I’ll give it three mid-90s camcorders and one cute pomeranian.

Ah yes, that time of year when Pumpkin Spice is life. When hoodie weather is around the corner. When horror fans overdose on new and old genre classics. Weeks away from seasons changing and leaves falling. It can really only mean one thing...it’s my annual “hey, Halloween is being rerererererereleased so take my money and here this is my left kidney I don’t mind” tradition.

This time, it’s Halloween in 4K UHD. Scour the internet if you want reviews. Personally, if Lionsgate put a strip of duct tape with “Halloween” in marker on an America Online disc, I’d probably make the purchase.