Black Christmas

Black Christmas

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

Haha wtf man, really? Good lord this sucked ass.

Even if you removed the title and called it something else, it still would be forgettable and just dumb. We went from a strange mysterious killer to a film about men controlling women and a black goo....are you fucking kidding me? I'll give the director credit that she took it to another direction but it doesn't change the fact that it was still a stupid direction, the characters were forgettable, lame kills, obvious twists, so many predictable jumpscares (except for the introduction of the arrow was done well) etc. From the moment I saw Cary Elwes, oh hey Mr obvious psycho who I'm sure is a "good guy" that point, my interest went down. When the guy showed up in Saw 7 acting suspicious, you could see where the film was going. Once you see the girl witnessing the boys doing a ritual, thats it. You can see where the film will go.

I'm shocked that they ripped off the famous jumpscare from the Exorcist 3. Its the same shit but with no impact. I feel bad for Imogen Poots, she was in another piece of shit called Vivarium but she had good films like the Green Room so thank god for that. The rest were uninteresting or annoying, they could have died and you wouldn't even care.

And what is it with films where someone texts a message and the killer or anyone else manages to send long sentences in just 0.5 seconds...da fuck? So yeah the messages come from the founder of their college....well off course it's not him but you know. They did a big mistake by making it PG-13, so now we can't even have amazing gory deaths to keep us going. It looked PG, that's how lame the kills were. So what about the killer or killers' look? Well, they look like people who were auditioning for the role of Dr Doom for Roger Corman's Fantastic Four but never got the call.

Here's a better story, why not make a movie about these Dr Doom cults chasing after Josh Trank? I'm sure he would have directed it.
And yeah there are kinda similar moments taken from the original Black Christmas, you might not notice it except for hardcore fans like the girl in the beginning with her ringtone or someone making weird noises on the phone etc.
I'm not even going to talk about the twist, it's just stupid. Including scenes with the girls talking about men and all that crap. Let's end this fucker.

Overall, no I don't recommend this. Give the 2006 remake another chance. It's basically the same as the original with a few new surprises but you get some gory kills. This one doesn't even deserve the title of Black Christmas. No eerie atmosphere at all, forgettable score etc. Jesus, I can't believe we went to this direction of men are evil blah blah blah, fuck. I'm curious about the sequel because of the cat licking the black goo. Will the cats battle the dogs this time? Pussies vs Bitches...take my money.

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