• Paranormal Whacktivity

    Paranormal Whacktivity

    ½

    Yup, this exists. Sighs...another godawful cringe fest spoof film. At least you get to see some titties and lesbians kiss. Doesn't save the film. I guess you might get a chuckle but I didn't get shit other than a headache and being bored to death.

    Why? Why? Why did I watch this crap? I should have just finished the Metallica St Anger documentary. Lars and James arguing had more action, drama, emotion etc.
    Slipknot No. 0 Sid with his alien…

  • 30 Nights of Paranormal Activity With the Devil Inside the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

    30 Nights of Paranormal Activity With the Devil Inside the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

    ½

    Christopher Daniels as Bane 🤦🏻‍♂️ wtf are you doing here? At least you got paid.

    What else is there to say? Fuck this film. Stay far away from it as possible. I rather visit the Zoo or watch someone knit.
    Unfunny cringe crap.

  • They're Watching

    They're Watching

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    So another found footage movie. It was decent.

    The characters were not amazing but likable enough to get you going with some humour thrown in. It needed more tension but it worked enough and you do get creepy locals just starring at our leads. I sense Resident Evil 4 starting to happen anytime soon.
    Its a bit of a mystery but once you hear the story from our good old friend Vladimir, you can clearly see where this is all…

  • Elephant

    Elephant

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    An interesting way of showing these random killings or sanctioned hits that took place in Northern Ireland. Very grounded and cold with no music, sort of a like documentary. Not even a dialogue...well just 1 scene but like 3 or 4 lines. Still, all these characters whether gunmen or victims are nameless.
    So yeah its just random people walking or driving to a place, shooting their targets, walking or running away and it ends with a 10 second shot of…

  • Closed

    Closed

    Evil Samara shows up at a coffee shop.

  • Hansel and Gretel

    Hansel and Gretel

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Oh Eggers, I admire your work. Haven't seen the Northman yet but I'm sure I'll enjoy it. The guy loves digging stuff from the past or old period pieces, so why not go back to his student films? This was a mixed bag for me. Its just the same old story we are familiar with but given a silent film treatment with its look and feel to it. Didn't find it eerie. I guess close-up shots of the witch can…

  • Dolls

    Dolls

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    So, Stuart Gordan & Brain Yuzna once again collaborated with the Puppet Master himself, Charles Band.

    Well, I definitely had a good time with this one. It’s not a shock that the dolls are alive. Even the tagline gave it away. Still, there are some surprises like the young girl’s teddy bear shows up as a giant and kills her father and her wicked stepmother. A dream of course.

    The plot is quite simple. Very easy to follow. 6 six people…

  • Faust: Love of the Damned

    Faust: Love of the Damned

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Bizarre.

    So Brain Yuzna decided to work on a comic book film. Interesting choice. So what he gave us is sort of Spawn type film, with a little bit of the Crow thrown in there. It's sort of a mess but an interesting mess.

    At least the film is rated R which is what the Spawn movie should have been.

    So it stars Mark Frost, no, not the writer of Twin Peaks. Although that would have been funny. His acting…

  • The Deep House

    The Deep House

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    This was a mixed bag for me. The idea of a haunted house underwater was what intrigued me to give this a watch. It's definitely the biggest highlight about the film. Once our characters go underwater, we are with them throughout the whole journey. So its the typical investigating a haunted house which is what the characters did in the beginning of the film but now its underwater. Filled with all the tropes and clichés but instead of a bird…

  • Going Overboard

    Going Overboard

    ½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Holy FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! Good God, fuck me.
    Where to begin with this pile of shit?
    You would think that with some of the cast, you might get something worthwhile. Maybe not perfect but you know, some laughs. Oh no, instead the result is…well, imagine those unfunny Youtubers, Viners and the TikTok fucks all compiled into one film, yeah, that kind of fucking torture. Jesus Christ.

    I’m convinced there was no script. The director simply met Sandler on a cruise ship and…

  • The Bad News Bears Go to Japan

    The Bad News Bears Go to Japan

    ★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Oh dear me, what a letdown.
    The idea of the Bears going to Japan seemed like a good approach to take this franchise but sadly, its what killed it. What we have here is a disappointing unfunny mess. The legend Tanner Boyle is no where to be seen. Jose Agilar & the adorable Timmy Lupus are no where to be seen. Jackie Earle Haley, you may recognize him for such classics like Nightmare on Elm Street remake....ok bad joke. I like…

  • The Offence

    The Offence

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Well, that was pretty dark and unexpected.

    So lately I’ve been going through some of Sidney Lumet’s films, loved some, and liked some. With this film, absolutely loved it. One thing this film does well is it quickly sucks you in with its eerie and bleak atmosphere. Films in the 70s had a way of doing that, for instance, Escape from Alcatraz: right from the beginning it pulls you in and it feels like a horror film.

    The plot is…