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maria has written 284 reviews for films during 2019.

  • The Visit

    The Visit

    ★★

    bold of m. night shyamalan to include a scene where a diaper full of shit is being shoved into someone's face to symbolize how much shit he's gonna be shoving into our faces for the next 94 minutes

  • The Aeronauts

    The Aeronauts

    ★★★

    henry coxwell looks weirdly female in this movie

  • Ida

    Ida

    ★★★★

    modern era, colored, 16:9 aspect ratio and english speaking movies are cancelled as of now

  • Jack and Jill

    Jack and Jill

    al pacino wants to bang woman adam sandler but woman adam sandler doesn't want to bang him back so man adam sandler bangs him

  • The Two Popes

    The Two Popes

    ★★★

    ok boomers

  • Jojo Rabbit

    Jojo Rabbit

    ★★★½

    taika waititi is the kind of bitch who can actually pull off having "imaginary hitler" as part of his cv

  • Sleepless in Seattle

    Sleepless in Seattle

    ★★★

    my mum: tom hanks looks so young here... how old was he? he looks hot
    me: sTOP MAKING ME THINK TOM HANKS LOOKS HOT MUM THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I WANT TO BE THINKING ABOUT MUM

  • Zombieland: Double Tap

    Zombieland: Double Tap

    ★★★

    i'm pretty sure i can blame or should i say thank emma stone for my addiction to leather jackets and my sarcastic personality

  • The Apartment

    The Apartment

    ★★★★½

    now i know what i gotta do to get a promotion at work, you did good movie, advice-wise

  • Home Alone

    Home Alone

    ★★★★

    we need to talk about kevin mccallister (2011), this kid is a little sadistic psychopath!

  • A Christmas Story

    A Christmas Story

    ★★★★

    the fuck is up with these kids in these christmas movies being straight up psychopaths

  • Scrooged

    Scrooged

    ★★★½

    merry christmas, you bitches 🎄