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maria has written 13 reviews for films rated ★½ .

  • Fantasy Island

    Fantasy Island 2020

    ★½ Watched 16 Apr, 2020 12

    when lucy hale's in it, you just know it's gonna be peachy

  • Daredevil

    Daredevil 2003

    ★½ Watched 11 Apr, 2020 13

    whoever thought that:
    a: my immortal by evanescence at a funeral scene
    b: bring me to life, also by evanescence, at a dramatic elektra training and matt getting dressed sequence
    c: n.e.r.d. by lapdance, introducing kingpin with lyrics such as "i'm an outlaw quick on the draw something you've never seen before and i dare a motherfucker to come in my face"
    d: top o' the morning to ya by house of pain introducing colin farrell's bullseye with lyrics such…

  • All the Bright Places

    All the Bright Places 2020

    ★½ Watched 01 Mar, 2020 10

    for a movie called all the bright places i couldn't see shit

  • Charlie's Angels

    Charlie's Angels 2019

    ★½ Watched 16 Feb, 2020 10

    if having noah centineo in your movie isn't the worst thing about it, then we got a problem sis

  • Breakthrough

    Breakthrough 2019

    ★½ Watched 26 Jan, 2020 11

    i hate the oscars for many reasons this year, but the main one has to be that they subjected me to THIS train wreck of a movie

  • Dolittle

    Dolittle 2020

    ★½ Watched 19 Jan, 2020 4

    this didn't DOSHIT for me so i spend the entire runtime playing Which Celebrity Person™ Is Voicing Which Annoying Animal. what a load of.............. fun

  • Countdown

    Countdown 2019

    ★½ Watched 16 Jan, 2020 3

    why the fuck isn't this a january movie. i watched it in january so i declare it a january movie, i said what I said

  • Pan

    Pan 2015

    ★½ Watched 04 Jan, 2020 23

    this is the movie i decided to start the decade with. nailed it

  • The Santa Clause

    The Santa Clause 1994

    ★½ Watched 25 Dec, 2019 8

    the best part is when neal tells charlie he’s going to make a great psychiatrist someday and charlie is like, “nah I think i’m going to go into the family business”, implying he’s going to kill his dad someday to become santa. how i love some christmas family friendly entertainment!

  • 6 Underground

    6 Underground 2019

    ★½ Watched 15 Dec, 2019 19

    this movie is the answer to the ultimate question... "Can Michael Bay Become More Michael Bay Than Michael Bay Is Michael Bay?"

  • The Knight Before Christmas

    The Knight Before Christmas 2019

    ★½ Watched 24 Nov, 2019 7

    vanessa hudgens: *doesn't act in a movie for 11 months of each year*
    november: *arrives*
    vanessa hudgens: jingle bells bitch

  • Lady and the Tramp

    Lady and the Tramp 2019

    ★½ Watched 21 Nov, 2019 18

    yes cool and all but where's my ratatouille live action remake starring gordon ramsay at @disney