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maria has written 13 reviews for films rated ★★½ .

  • Waves



    when that aspect ratio changed from widescreen to 4:3, my ass clenched along with it

  • Harriet



    really great until the movie gets in the way

  • Bombshell



    how come this episode of the office wasn't just 20 minutes like the other ones

  • Last Christmas

    Last Christmas


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    i can’t believe they made a whole movie based on the “who do you think gave you the heart” meme

  • The Polar Express

    The Polar Express


    this mothafucka be looking like a 1998 nickelodeon christmas special starring tom hanks, tom hanks, tom hanks AND tom hanks

  • Notes from Melanie

    Notes from Melanie


    so this is what it's like to get stuckmannized huh

  • Love



    a very light pg romcom, very nice for a first date, a family movie night, a fun night with your gran, would recommend with a side of some hotdogs, cucumbers and peaches

  • Ghostbusters II

    Ghostbusters II


    me: mom, can we have a ghostbusters (1984)?
    mom: no, we have a ghostbusters (1984) at home
    ghostbusters at home: ghostbusters II (1989)

  • Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

    Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull


    crazy how they didn't try to milk this franchise dry and make a fourth one, RIGHT??????

  • Maleficent: Mistress of Evil

    Maleficent: Mistress of Evil


    the tagline for this should be “pornos are more original”

  • Anna



    anna (2019) aka the walmart version of john wick

  • Dark Phoenix

    Dark Phoenix


    jean: i can't control my power! x10000
    charles: i can help you jean!
    scott: JEANNN! *heart eyes emoji*
    erik: *i'm a bad guy... wait, i'm a good guy...*
    jeffree-star-looking-jessica-chastain's-character-whose-name-i-don't-even-care-to-remember: *evil face emoji*