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maria has written 48 reviews for films rated ★★★½ .

  • The Guest

    The Guest


    i was only here to fuck dan stevens, turns out now i'm here to fuck dan stevens AND for the movie itself too. expectations = subverted

  • Queen & Slim

    Queen & Slim


    where is kendall jenner with that pepsi when you need her

  • The Peanut Butter Falcon

    The Peanut Butter Falcon


    a family doesn't have to be a wife, a husband, a daughter and a son, sometimes a family can be a crazy ass crab fisherman who burns $12,000 worth of shit cause he got denied selling his stolen goods, a 22-year-old with down syndrome who runs away from his retirement home to purse his long time dream of becoming a wrestler and his uptight carer who is looking for him everywhere and so conveniently runs into both of them

  • A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

    A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood


    tom hanks wasn't even acting here, he's just always like this

  • Jojo Rabbit

    Jojo Rabbit


    taika waititi is the kind of bitch who can actually pull off having "imaginary hitler" as part of his cv

  • Scrooged



    merry christmas, you bitches 🎄

  • Batman Returns

    Batman Returns


    this is a christmas movie

  • National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

    National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation


    'tis the season again when the shitter gets full

  • Bottle Rocket

    Bottle Rocket


    i'm literally so far up wes anderson's ass now, how far up do you want me to go wes?

  • Rushmore



    max fischer saved latin at 15, wtf you doin' with yo life?

  • Lolita



    the most disturbing part of this movie obviously is when lolita was reading that magazine uNDer A sPRInKeR, getting the pages all W E T. *marlon brando's voice* THE HORROR

  • Spartacus



    bold of my boi stanley kubrick to steal the "i'm spartacus" bit from the "it's my vagina" iconic scene from sex education (2019). stanley kubrick, not cool