GOD, if I could only be this petty, I want to ruin someone's life as A HOBBY.

I want a machine that Ovaltine had that picks my fat ass up and moves me around

Was worth watching to hear Michael Caine talk about camel toes in a shitty American accent and to see Nick Cage get pelted with fast food.

Where do I go from here? Every movie I watch since then is shit. Everything I eat is bland and flavorless. The sun no longer shines. I haven't fed my cats in days. I'm not even sure if I ever had cats. My pubic hair is falling out. Everything I do isn't Tommy. Tommy is everything. Where do I go from here? It's tearing me apart.