Avengers: Endgame

Avengers: Endgame ½

So I just finished watching the new Avengers: Endgame and when it was over I stood up I looked at my wife and I said Marty was right.

”These Marvel movies are a disgrace and if you enjoy them then you are a brainless ape.” ~Martin Scorsese

People come to see movies to see good actors like Don Cheadle, Jeff Goldblum, Tom Hanks, Jack Black, John Depp, y’know Jack Nicholson, Morgan Gordon. And the problem is Marvel does not hire good actors.

Look at this scene where Ant-Man is preparing for a big mission. For his meal, he has one taco. And this is when I realized that Paul Rudd is one of the worst actors in the world.

Worst actor in the world

How are you gonna fuel up for a big mission by eating one taco? That’s not enough tacos and at this point you are ruining the illusion as an actor.

Now when it comes to tacos my philosophy is that when you are in their presence, you should try to eat as many as you can. In my utopian world, are restaurants are Mexican restaurants. I love tacos so much that I love Taco Bell, okay? I remember when Taco Bell came out with that 12-pack crate and I would get that and just eat the whole thing for myself in one go.

Now is it healthy to eat 12 tacos? No. Do I recommend this to other people out there? No. However, 3 tacos is a good number. That’s a number where you can go “Ok, that was a good meal.” Can we get the statistics on the screen for tacos?

Taco Bell Tacos
Crunchy Taco - $1.19

Crunchy Taco Supreme - $1.69

Soft Taco - $1.19

Soft Taco Supreme - $1.79

Chicken Soft Taco - $1.79

Grilled Steak Taco - $2.49

Ok, so- th-thank you- for $3.57 you can get 3 tacos. So when you have guys on Ant-Man’s team like Tony Stark, who is worth $12.4 billion, they can afford the tacos, ok? They just choose not to. One taco is bullshit. Martin Scorsese is famous for saying,

”Fuck those shitty Marvel movies those movies suck my asssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss” ~Martin Scorsese

And he is 100% correct. It gets worse though. Watch what happens when this ship lands. THEY JUST KNOCK OFF ALL THE CHEESE OF THE TACO! That guys on your team! Like what am I even watching at this point, this is such a disgraceful, unrealistic film and Paul Rudd is just sitting there as the spaceship comes in to land and he does nothing to protect the integrity of the taco. Just BOOM! All the ingredients get knocked onto the floor.

It’s embarrassing really. To see a veteran actor fall for such easy mistakes but Paul Rudd doesn’t care. Now let’s say you had someone good like Daniel Day-Lewis in this scene. The first thing he would’ve done as an actor would to get like a cardboard container to place the taco in temporarily in case of a nearby shuttle landing because he would be so immersed in that world and try to take the audience on this ride along with him. But of course Paul Rudd, or Paul Dud as I call him, you don’t get that same level of commitment.

Paul Rudd is just sitting there “Uhh it’s just a movie taco dude buhehehe duguhe jeguhehe jebehe hoohehehoohehe” little bitch.

The Iron Man lands next to him and he drops the entire taco on the floor. I am fucking pissed off at this point because I am like “Ant-Man just... RMMM.” You had one taco as your meal, you allow the cheese to get knocked off and then you drop the entire thing on the floor and this guy is supposed to be a superhero. Yeah, I don’t think so.

The Incredible Hulk walks into the scene carrying what appears to be carrying multiple tacos because Hulk is a much better actor than Ant-Man. Out of the kindness of his heart, he hands two tacos to Ant-Man, which, not ideal, is acceptable. Like Marty says

”Two tacos are better than none” ~Martin Scorsese on the set of Goodfellas

And for a minute, I’m going “Ok, now because of this good actor, I am once again immersed into this world.” But then I start think now wait up, how many tacos that leave Hulk with? The little paper thing he’s carrying them on does not look like it can carry that many tacos on it so Hulk might be over there once again with only one taco for his meal! And this is when I start to throw large objects on the screen because of what I am seeing, get on it.

Paul Rudd is 5’10” and he’s trying to eat one taco and act like that’s realistic? Incredible Hulk is 8 ft tall and and weighs 1400 lbs, and now you’re going to tell me that this man is about to eat one taco and be full? No, no, for that one, fuck you.

And this is when I realized that Paul Rudd is not a method actor. Because if he was, he would know that Any-Man has the ability to shrink himself down to become smaller than the taco and then he could actually enjoy a quality meal. That’s why I like Spider-Man better.

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