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  • Asylum

    Asylum

    ★★★★

    I long for the days of cinema where you could say "and then Peter Cushing opens the door holding a lit candelabra" and nobody would bat an eye.

  • The Son of Kong

    The Son of Kong

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    You're going to tell me after everything that happened in KING KONG, and the fact that the main character returns and is remorseful that his actions caused nothing but misery for everyone involved, this movie ends with Kong's baby boy sacrificing himself so the same mother fucker can escape the island with a bunch of treasure he stole?

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  • The Fate of the Furious

    The Fate of the Furious

    ★★★½

    If part 9 doesn't involve Dom's crew piloting Gundams then all of this has been for nothing

  • Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

    Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

    ★★

    I always forget just how shitty the mask looks. It's such an incredible lack of care given to the single most iconic thing in the franchise. They couldn't be bothered to get a Michael Myers mask that fits on his fuckin head right. A++