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  • Hysteria

    Hysteria

    ★★½

    "The Rubby-Nubby."
    "The Vibratorium."
    "The Jiggly-Wiggly?"
    "Paroxysmator."
    "Oh! The Sorcerer's Apprentice!"
    "The Excitetator?"
    "Mr. Wobbly."
    "Oh, please."
    "What about... The Squealer?"

    ***

    A movie where Will Graham, Jyn Erso, Donnie Darko's sister, Elizabeth Swann's dad, and the voice of Prince Charming, are all involved in the creation of the first ever vibrator...
    ...SHOULD NOT BE THIS BIZARRELY DULL.

    It takes an hour for anything especially interesting or funny to happen.

    The inherent farce of the plot - and the film…

  • Miami Vice

    Miami Vice

    ★★★½

    "Things go wrong. The odds catch up. Probability is like gravity... you cannot negotiate with gravity. One day... one day you should just cash out, you know? Just cash out, and get out."

    ***

    Ten years ago, the last time(s) I tried watching Miami Vice, every single attempt I made at viewing it invariably ended the same way - roughly an hour into the film, I always fell asleep.

    Eventually, I just gave up, and moved on.

    Ten years later,…

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  • Mad Max: Fury Road

    Mad Max: Fury Road

    ★★★★★

    "My world is fire and blood."

    ***

    You've heard all the hype by now.
    Said hype has reached Breaking Bad-levels of insane acclaim.
    Which begs the question:
    Is the hype deserved?

    YES.
    YES YES, A THOUSAND TIMES YES.

    30 years have passed since the last Mad Max movie.
    Many imitators and pretenders to the throne of action cinema have come and gone in those intervening decades, and with the occasional exceptions here and there (e.g. The Raid), the past decade…

  • La La Land

    La La Land

    ★★★★★

    "Here's to the ones who dream / Foolish as they may seem /
    Here's to the hearts that ache / Here's to the mess we make..."

    ***

    La La Land is GREAT.

    But is it really 7 Golden Globes-winning "GREAT"?

    Or, even more especially, is it really 14 - freakin' FOURTEEN!! - Oscar-nominations "GREAT"?

    See, here's the thing:
    I'm afraid that all of this overwhelmingly monumental amount of hyperbolic hype and astounding acclaim is going to eventually negatively impact the…