This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
Rey Skywalker’s review published on Letterboxd:
This review may contain spoilers.
This is a review of the SOUNDTRACK!
Soundtrack Rating: F
This movie has one of the worst soundtracks in film history, no joke. I tried listening to it and holy shit it's fucking terrible. Here are my thoughts on every track.
1. I'm Electro - Sets the tone of what we're gonna get: nothing but a painfully long 2 hours of just annoying painful dubstep sound effects.
2. There He Is - When I heard this song I legit thought it was sped up. Turns out that's the actual speed of it. Sounds less painful slowed down slightly.
3. I'm Spider-Man - Way too fucking short. This is supposed to be Spider-Man's theme song, and it's a minute long. Also, what's up with the police sound effects?
4. My Enemy - 8 FUCKING MINUTES of just "my pulse is racing agony inside of me self-destructing paranoia" whatever the fuck he says.
5. Ground Rules - The entire fucking soundtrack comes to a grinding halt just to give us some sappy shitty music.
6. Look At Me - Return of the elevator music + MY SELF DESTRUCTION PARANOIA AGONY INSIDE OF ME WHAERFTGFREDRFTGHFRTGYHGTRE
7. Special Project - OK seriously enough with the elevator music theme!
8. You Need Me - Wow score, you're trying to be emotional? Too bad you sound generic as fuck.
9. So Much Anger - More generic stock action music.
10. I'm Moving to England - The score comes to a grinding halt once again to deliver generic sappy ineffective music.
11. I'm Goblin - All these main themes sound the same...
12. Let Her Go - 33 seconds of weird sound mixing.
13. You're My Boy - Nearly 3 minutes of a bland James Horner impersonation.
14. I Need To Know - This sounds like the main screen of a Nintendo Wii game.
15. Sum Total - OK this soundtrack went from laughably terrible to just fucking boring.
16. I Chose You - All the sappy emotional tracks just sound like Microsoft Windows setup music.
17. We're Best Friends - (See I Chose You)
18. Still Crazy - AAAAAAH! REMOTE CONTROL ELECTRONICS! DOUBLE AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY PULSE IS RAGING IN AGONY INSIDE OF ME IS BACK! Please go back to the shitty sappy emotional music...
19. The Rest of My Life - THAAAAAAAAAAAAANK GOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD...
20. You're that Spider-Guy - Um... it's over! Yay! Man, this soundtrack was just as well-structured as the film that it's from.