Favorite films

  • On Her Majesty's Secret Service
  • Bullet in the Head
  • The Bridges of Madison County
  • Margaret

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  • Staying Alive

    ★★

  • Blade: Trinity

  • How Green Was My Valley

    ★★★★★

  • The Bourne Identity

    ★★★

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  • Staying Alive

    Staying Alive

    ★★

    "I'm happiness."

    Very much a Sylvester Stallone film, particularly the kind of excessive cartoon romp he was cranking out around this time in his ROCKY sequels. That this is a sequel to SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER is as baffling as well, ROCKY IV is to the original ROCKY, a tacky blown up version of itself that hammers out all the lived-in grace and emotional complexity. In SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER, Tony was a fuckup eking out the little amount of power he…

  • Blade: Trinity

    Blade: Trinity

    "YOU COCK-JUGGLING THUNDERC*NT!!!"

    Turns out that if you let Goyer take over as director, slather everything in this glib nu metal edgelord tone and sub-DTV aestheticism, and cast Ryan Reynolds doing proto-Deadpool schtick, it pretty much results in an awful, ignominious end for a deservedly iconic portrayal of a superhero. Who knew? Parker Posey and Jessica Biel's arms innocent. The movie's portrayal of Dracula is maybe the all time worst, including that time he was Gerard Butler as Judas and Argento's DRACULA 3D.

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  • House of Gucci

    House of Gucci

    ★★★

    "You're an idiot, but you're MY idiot."

    Very amusing performances (Leto as the most cartoonish version of Fredo ever is a hoot, Pacino is Pacino, Gaga is basically playing Lady Macbeth crossed with Cruella de Vil but also Italian, Jeremy Irons is somehow only the fourth hammiest actor despite being Jeremy Irons, Salma Hayek is a witch?????), but this is unfortunately one of those mid-tier Ridley movies where the script only feels about halfway to where it needs to be…

  • Obi-Wan Kenobi

    Obi-Wan Kenobi

    "Then my friend is truly dead."

    Abysmal, incompetent, imagination-free fan fiction. Truly staggering that a major blockbuster franchise put out something as moment-to-moment technically inept as this. Every scene shot in arbitrary warbly handheld, angles seemingly chosen entirely at random, a flat and lifeless color palette and editing that feels like it was generated entirely by Windows 98-level software. You get tasked with making what is essentially STAR WARS EPISODE 3.5 (not something anyone needs, but let's say they do…