Favorite films

  • Spider-Man: No Way Home
  • The Maltese Falcon
  • Spaceballs
  • The French Connection

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  • The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

    ★★★★

  • The Black Phone

    ★★★

  • The Maltese Falcon

    ★★★★★

  • Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me

    ★★★★

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  • Scream

    Scream

    ★★★

    90's nostalgia night! 
    Everyone rub one out to Jennifer Love Hewitt in Maxim while on AOL chat while listening to the Gin Blossoms on your Discman or as I call them....weekends. 

    What? Old habits die hard and that brings us to Scream. See, right there a fucking segue writes itself. Scream. No, not that one. Not that one either. This one. From this year. We good?

    To my surprise it was pretty good because unlike most legacy* movies, (I'm looking…

  • The Batman

    The Batman

    ★★★

    Another Covid Variant
    Higher Gas Prices
    And Phyllis Diller’s October Playboy spread.

    What are three things we need more than another Batman movie?

    What you younger guys don’t know Carnac the Magnificent? It was Johnny Carson with this big headpiece. He was the host before…ah fuck it…The Batman. Here we go.

    How do you review something this played out? I guess I’m supposed to forget about the other Batman movies but also, fuck that - If the Christopher Nolan movies…

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  • The Lighthouse

    The Lighthouse

    ★★★

    YAHHRRR HERE BE ME REVIEW OF THE LIGHTHOUSE - A TALL TALE DARK AND MOODY LIKE THE CABOT STRAIT AT DAWN YET MYSTERIOUS AND FOREBODING LIKE A BELUGA WHALE’S LABIA. BUT ONLY A SQUIFFED NANTUCKETER USES CAPS LOCK.

    The Yahhr: Ye cinematography be moody as a merwoman at low tide yet sharpe as a Narwhale horn. Ye square-shaped aspect ratio made me feel squished like those salty onscreen wickies. Willem Dafoe here be a mad, flatulent Green Goblin in hearty…

  • Joker

    Joker

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    The Joker. Comic's most iconic villain. (You suck, Galactus!) No superpowers. No humanity. No name. No definite origin. I guess Warner Brothers didn't know about that last part. Plus with their recent history of DC movies, my expectations for the stand-alone Joker movie no one asked for were sub-Green Lantern at best.

    Then the Venice film festival happened.

    I was baffled. How could critics go so – dammit, I already used “batshit” and “clown spunk” in the last review –…