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  • Death Note

    Death Note

    ★★★★

    The opening scene of Death Note wryly informs fans of the original manga/anime right off the bat that this is not their movie. These gorgeous ultra-slow establishing shots of this Seattle high school are positively hypnotic alongside Australian Crawl's "Reckless", the first of the film's many juicy 80s soundtrack picks. We meet our antisocial antihero Light, as well as his soon-to-be sweetheart Mia (who, regrettably, is the weakest part of the movie). Cut to black, neon light burns DEATH NOTE…

  • Lilo & Stitch

    Lilo & Stitch

    ★★★★★

    I know it's not exactly a secret that Lilo & Stitch is good, but let me tell YOU, buster: motherfuckin' LILO and STITCH is REALLY good!

    Just look at Pleakley: he is a noodle alien with one eye, two tongues, and three slug-like appendages for legs. This character is magnificent to behold. All these characters are. The backgrounds! Such soft, lush paintings! No other Disney movie looks like this. Even the CG bits are blended quite well into the drawings. The…

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  • The Secret Life of Pets

    The Secret Life of Pets

    it makes Over the Hedge look like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

    there is no narrative thrust, no personality, no visual pizazz. the only joy I found in this movie was when the two main dogs sneak into a sausage factory and gorge themselves until they enter hallucinatory bliss. it's a silly sequence that does nothing to advance the plot, but that's exactly what Pets needed more of. these characters mostly just tumble from point A to B to…

  • Yoga Hosers

    Yoga Hosers

    ★½

    This could have been a decently entertaining B-movie if it didn't draw out so many dead-on-arrival gags. Early on the dad of one of the girls is brought to tears when they play a ballad. Throughout the whole musical number it just keeps cutting from them performing to the dad sobbing into his hands. Before long, I too was sobbing into my hands. Is it possible for something to come off as "trying too hard" while simultaneously not trying at…