The Emoji Movie ★½

Honestly, this isn't any worse than, like, Trolls or Secret Life of Pets whatever low-grade hyperactive CG animated movies come out these days. The plot is just Wreck-it Ralph 2 and Inside Out combined, with nothing different than what I just said. While that speaks partly to how not-that-good Wreck-it Ralph 2 ended up being, it also means that Emoji Movie honestly isn't the worst thing in the world. Just a pretty bad thing in the world.

The only reason I'm giving this a 1.5 instead of the 2 it deserves is because I despise everything it stands for and some of the product placement was truly horrific.

This movie was one minor rewrite away from being an full-on coming-out narrative. It's basically already about two queer kids trying to discover themselves, one desperate to fit in while the other obsessed with escaping. One side character even has a moment that disturbingly mirrors a pivotal scene from Call Me By Your Name. Unfortunately that appears to have been unintentional since the movie gets bungled up in a completely useless romantic subplot and the message ends up being some extremely vague "be yourself or whatever!" nonsense instead.

However, that is probably for the best. If the fucking Emoji Movie had ended up being a secret masterpiece or whatever, I think the entire world may have fallen apart.

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