Those has written 9 reviews for films rated ★★½ during 2017.

  • Dracula



    Vampire Quinceañera - Hoop-Tober Part Deux (4.0)

    Yeah no thanks, the only completely sexless, cardboard-thin take on Dracula I'm interested in is the one that comes with bat-shaped marshmallows.

    Maddin > Murnau > Stoker > Herzog > Coppola > General Mills > Browning

  • Moonraker



    Watched this to commemorate Roger Moore, but to be totally honest this movie belongs to Richard Kiel.

    Also it's now my personal headcanon that Michael Lonsdale's Drax is actually his character from Out 1 and this was the true nature of the conspiracy Jean-Pierre Leaud was unraveling all along.

  • The Time Travelers

    The Time Travelers


    Probably the only MST3K movie with Oskar Fischinger's name in the credits.

  • Father Frost

    Father Frost


    There were a couple of points during this where I actually caught myself idly thinking "would those assholes in the front shut up, I'm trying to watch the movie" only to realize I was talking about Mike and the bots. A true testament to how oddly charming this movie is and/or how high I was when I watched it.

  • A Very Brady Sequel

    A Very Brady Sequel


    The Brady Bunch Movie is one of the most underrated and misunderstood comedies of the '90s, a film that uses its ingenious metafictional premise not just for affectionate nostalgic parody but also for clever, surprisingly biting social satire. Betty Thomas's 1995 film attacks the affected cynicism of the grunge '90s and the affected sunniness of the Brady '70s in equal measure, and in pitting them against each other the film reveals how both eras use their seemingly conflicting pop cultural…

  • The Big Chill

    The Big Chill


    This is my mom's favorite movie, as I'm sure it's lots of people's moms' favorite movie, and I can totally understand why. The soundtrack is groovy, the vibes are loose, the cast is stellar and their characters' relationships feel real and lived-in. This is the Boomer generation as they would most like to see themselves, an irresistibly attractive aspirational vision of where their lives have taken them as they enter middle age. Sure, they've more or less settled right into…

  • Dead Leaves

    Dead Leaves


    Watching this only made me appreciate my beloved FLCL (with which this shares some creative personnel) all the more. That show's similarly frenetic pace and hyperkinetic visual style often make it feel similarly chaotic as a whole, but breaking it down to its component parts actually reveals an astonishing amount of formal rigor. Each individual composition has an intelligible purpose and each individual scene has a consistent structure. The show's visual storytelling is perfectly coherent, it's just served a little…

  • Clash of the Titans

    Clash of the Titans


    I'm not familiar enough with Hollywood in the immediate wake of Star Wars to know if there were earlier warning signs or if this was the first major portent of the dread forces to come, but it's certainly the earliest film I can recall seeing that's been this noticeably warped by the values and obligations of tentpole filmmaking in the blockbuster era. This is most readily apparent in any scene involving shameless R2-D2 ripoff and painfully unfunny comic relief Bubo,…

  • Tammy and the Bachelor

    Tammy and the Bachelor


    Honestly this isn't a very good movie. But the title song kicks ass (despite shamefully rhyming "warm" with "warm"), and it's pretty entertaining to watch a young Leslie Nielsen stumble his way through playing an earnest romantic lead like a fish trying to climb a tree.

    And it goes without saying that Debbie Reynolds is amazing, turning her title character from the condescending classist caricature she could have been (and admittedly still kind of is) into a character who's sneakily…