Those has written 20 reviews for films rated ★★½ .

  • Favourites of the Moon

    Favourites of the Moon


    Droll verging on boring. A series of mildly amusing gags out of a lower-tier episode of Frasier occasionally livened up with some extremely French shit like bomb-throwing anarchists or children casually smoking cigarettes.

  • The Exorcist

    The Exorcist


    Hooptober 7.0: The Hoopening

    This is really just the ‘70s equivalent of A24-core “elevated” horror, a handful of genuine chills smothered in self-serious pop psychological Subtext and trendy a e s t h e t i c s.

  • Tesla



    A perfectly nice little film for the most part, but man am I getting tired of this recent trend in biopics where they keep stopping the movie so the narrator can cheekily fill us in on whether or not what we just saw “actually happened.” It was cute enough when Adam McKay did it the first time, but at this point it’s no longer quirky or irreverent or Brechtian or whatever, it’s just a dumb cop-out for cowards who want…

  • Cinema Paradiso

    Cinema Paradiso


    A very cute but not especially bright puppy taking a lil piddle on the carpet of cinema.

  • Dune



    Fear is the fresh-maker.

  • Catwalk: Tales from the Catshow Circuit

    Catwalk: Tales from the Catshow Circuit


    A charming little stroll through a cute, quirky subculture.

    That is until you gradually come to suspect that Kim is only one perceived slight away from straight-up having Oh La La murdered, at which point the passive-aggressive tension in the Moncton Lions-Lionettes Activity Center quickly grows thicker than even the heartiest poutine.

  • Avengers: Infinity War

    Avengers: Infinity War


    I can’t wait for Avengers 5 when the Avengers face their highest stakes yet, a bad guy who wants to kill THREE QUARTERS of the universe.

  • Annihilation



    The thing about The Thing, or Stalker, or Under the Skin, or any of the other movies this one is kinda like, is that they're not "kinda like" anything but themselves. No art is made in a vacuum, of course, and those films all have their own clear cinematic influences (plus like Annihilation they're all literary adaptations), but they're also much more than just the synthesis of those influences. Instead, they incorporate those influences into the creation of something new.

    Annihilation is slick and pretty and neat-looking, but ultimately much like the Shimmer itself Garland can't create, he can only refract.

  • Thor: Ragnarok

    Thor: Ragnarok


    Dang, at this rate if Marvel keeps loosening their grip on their directors’ personal styles like this they might make an actual movie by Phase 9 or so.

  • Dracula



    Vampire Quinceañera - Hoop-Tober Part Deux (4.0)

    Yeah no thanks, the only completely sexless, cardboard-thin take on Dracula I'm interested in is the one that comes with bat-shaped marshmallows.

    Maddin > Murnau > Stoker > Herzog > Coppola > General Mills > Browning

  • Moonraker



    Watched this to commemorate Roger Moore, but to be totally honest this movie belongs to Richard Kiel.

    Also it's now my personal headcanon that Michael Lonsdale's Drax is actually his character from Out 1 and this was the true nature of the conspiracy Jean-Pierre Leaud was unraveling all along.

  • The Time Travelers

    The Time Travelers


    Probably the only MST3K movie with Oskar Fischinger's name in the credits.